Enjoying health

A reading this morning focuses on health. Author Deb Sandella says, "Our physical habits, emotional feelings, and spiritual beliefs manifest our health." She goes on to say, "My spirit and body align as one. When they speak, I listen, and when I listen, they thrive." I think there is truth in what she says. I also think that this practice is not infallible. What does one consider when bad things happen to good people? That is such a human mystery that books have been written about it, even with that title. To subscribe completely to the idea that our health is reflective of our own practices can produce guilt. I have had people say to me that there must be something about my karma that I am now living with someone with the terminal illness of dementia. Perhaps. Then it is only a small step to conclude that someone with a terminal illness chooses it. I don't think that anyone dealing with a terminal illness, whether having it or being caregiver, needs the stress and guilt of thinking we caused or chose this.

So, for me I continue to try to align with practices that support good health while not questioning how we got to this condition of dealing with a terminal illness. A friend once reported to me what a health practitioner said about believing we could always be in optimal health. "Well, we all have to die of something." That does seem to be part of the human condition, doesn't it?

Smile

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy," - Thich Nhat Hanh

This wise saying is supported by current research. One can change one's emotional status and brain chemistry by smiling. It seems to be that smiling is beneficial for the body and mind; and if one does not feel like smiling but smiles nevertheless, that brings the body into harmony as if one were not "forcing" the smile.

It is another way of knowing that we can control our emotions and our attitudes. I read recently that because of the evidence that laughter is so beneficial, laugh clubs have started up in India. People getting together to laugh. I know for myself that I can be lifted from a more negative mood if I watch a movie that I find funny. Perhaps it is why Shakespeare wisely inserted humor (I've forgotten the correct terminology) even into his tragedies.

Another way of establishing self care: smile, think positive thoughts, be grateful.

Self Care

It was suggested to me that among the topics that I might present to a coaching group that I consider presenting self care, since it is so important when one is caregiver for a person with a terminal illness. The trip to Italy is an example for me of how important self care is. It took me several days to adjust to being back, to being able to sleep. I attended a lady's spa activity yesterday and the massage showed me how tight I was in my neck and shoulders. I think this is in direct relationship to how vigilant I had to be in making sure Dwane was safe outside our familiar home setting. My daughter, who thankfully insisted on picking us up at the airport - after 24 hours of flying, pointed out to me how much I check on Dwane's safety. Making sure he knows where we are going, making sure he gets out the revolving door, making sure he has all his possessions. This was amplified in Italy. Making sure he was with us, making sure he was on the sidewalk so that he did not get hit by a scooter, making sure he had his umbrella, making sure he understood where we were going, making sure he got on the bus before the door closed. I loved our time in Italy, and it went so well. I do want to acknowledge, however, that it took a lot of attention and energy on my behalf to make it a good/safe experience.

Self care is so important. If we are not taking care of ourselves, we cannot be helpful to others. Massages, good diet, exercise, fun, companionship, finding meaning in life: all are examples of good self care. And attitude: Perhaps that is the most important of all. Looking for the good in all things. As Depak Chopra said, "If you want to transform your karma to a more desirable experience, look for the seed of opportunity within every adversity, and tie that seed of opportunity to your dharma, or purpose in life." That is the basis of my intention in living graciously with the terminal illness of dementia.

High profile death

Sandra Day O'Connor's husband, John, died November 11, 2009 from Alzheimer's Disease. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's over twenty years ago, and when the former justice of the Supreme Court of the United States retired in 2005, she cited the need to care for her husband as the reason for her leaving the Bench. Such a long decline for them both. We went to hear Sandra Day O'Connor speak a couple years ago. She was articulate and informative in speaking about the function of the Supreme Court in upholding the Constitution of the United States. We were sitting close enough to see that she also did not appear well physically. She was perspiring and her hands were trembling. Perhaps this was because of a transient illness, but I was also struck by the possibility that it may be because of the huge weight and stress that accompanies caregiving someone with dementia. It reminds me of how important self care is; just as important as the care of the one who is terminally ill.

Gratitude as a Habit

I had a conversation yesterday with a wise person about the importance of gratitude. Gratitude despite circumstances. There are several schools of thought currently which subscribe to the importance of establishing gratitude as a habit. The current newsletter of Hazelden has gratitude as its focus topic, and it is well accepted that someone recovering from addictions is benefited by having an "attitude of gratitude". When things are going along smoothly, gratitude seems somewhat easy to maintain. But, when faced with something upsetting, gratitude can be a more difficult emotion to attain. Perhaps this is an opportunity for discipline. To maintain an attitude of gratitude despite what outside circumstances appear to be. Yes, good practice when dealing with a terminal illness.

A Good Trip

We are back from Italy. We accomplished the only real goal and motivation we had which was for Dwane to see his daughter and her family and meet his granddaughter. So, that feels very complete. We had a very good trip. Dwane put forth good effort to be a good travel companion. A fear I had had before going did not materialize: we managed to not lose each other, except very briefly. Still I recognize that it took a lot of energy for me to be constantly vigilant for his safety. It was fabulous eating the local food, making human connections with local people, seeing Michelangelo's David and other wonderful art, going to an Italian opera. The hotel we stayed in was lovely and centrally located, as promised. We could walk any where we needed to go, and my ability to speak Spanish served us well in communicating in Italian. All in all, a really fabulous trip.

Happiness

"Happiness never decreases by being shared," Buddha. Yesterday a housing project with family and friends was leavened and lightened by the sharing of wisdom, good will and insight of all. It is amazing what a number of well-intentioned people can accomplish. Alone, one can become discouraged, but by just adding someone with a "can do" attitude who wants to help, makes all the difference. It seems that people either add positively to a situation or contribute negatively, perhaps by default. Long, long ago I made the decision to have as an intention to always contribute to any and all situations in a positive way. That attitude can and does make a difference.

I will be taking a break from writing this blog for almost 2 weeks. I am taking Dwane to Italy so that he can see his daughter and family. I continue to be so grateful that things are going so well here, and I hope the trip is easy, fun, and enjoyable in all aspects.