Self Confidence

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you are right."  Henry Ford

It is true.  We can do what we believe we can do.  While there are differences among us in cognitive ability, perseverance, etc., bottom line is:  if we think we can do it, we can.  That is true of caregiving.  Sometimes I feel I cannot do the responsibilities of caregiving and the responsibilities of my own life as well, and - during those times, I do need to take a break from something.  Otherwise, what I need to do is figure out not if I can do the caregiving, but how can I do it?  How can I do the caregiving and attend to the details of my own life too?  That seems an ultimate question for us as caregivers.  

Dental Care

"The big moments in life tend not to be the ones that wear us down." Richard Veras

I would like to pass along our experience at the dentist yesterday, so that you may learn from our experience.  Last summer when I took my loved one to his long-time dentist, the dentist told me there was no reason to bring him back again -- saying, "What does he have?  One year to live?"  Well, fast forward to now, and my loved one has complained a couple times of a toothache.  These complaints come within a myriad of complaints:  from chest pain, to not being able to breathe (the care facility monitors his oxygen levels, and they are good), to leg pain, to back pain -- so it was difficult to decide whether the tooth complaint was something to tend to, but I did make an appointment for a new dentist within the same town as his care facility.  And, I am so glad we went -- even though it now takes 2 of us to transfer him from wheelchair to dental chair, etc.  He has some infection in his teeth and gums, and will need to have some teeth pulled.  It is so hard for me to imagine that this damage occurred in the 6 months since his last dental visit, but, nevertheless, we have now what we have and will deal with it.  My recommendation for you:  continue with routine dental care to avoid bigger problems. 

Keeping Money in Perspective

"When I was ill, I faced the very real possibility of dying, and suddenly the little money I'd saved, however prudent I was, didn't matter.  It was all worthless.  It became immediately clear that the only true purpose of money was to help make love work."  Mark Nepo

People tend to have poor relationships with money.  Yesterday in talking with a friend about longterm care insurance, she said she did not want to buy it in case she never used it; and I thought -- what does that have to do with it?!  I buy car insurance and liability insurance every year -- hoping I never have to use either of them.  The same is true for longterm care insurance.  At a premium of about $2000 a year, how can one compare that to paying $8000 a month for nursing home costs?!  When people ask me how I can manage to pay for my loved one's care (the longterm care insurance pays about half), my response is that I am so grateful that I can.  My loved one and I have been good stewards of the money life has given us.  Now it can pay for his care.  The above quote also reminds me to not put off doing something kind for myself or others because I think I have to save the money.  Instead, I will send the flowers today, I will give the gift now, I will buy myself the food I enjoy eating.  

Life as Instruction

"Every person's condition is a solution in hieroglyphic to those inquiries they would put.  We act it as life, before we apprehend it as truth." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson was so wise.  It is only by living that we understand what is truth for us.  If we are honest, there are probably times that we would prefer not to be caregivers --- but, what truths has caregiving taught us?  For me, caregiving has taught me what an awesome (as in terrifying) responsibility and burden it is -- making decisions for another human.  Caregiving has taught me that I can lose myself in the tasks of caring for another.  Caregiving has taught me not to be afraid of nursing homes or physical and mental decline.  Caregiving has taught me that a response to life can be based on love and respect -- for oneself and others in whatever the situation. What has caregiving taught you?

Enjoying the Present

"It is a mistake to look too far ahead.  The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time." Winston Churchill

How true.  As caregivers, we may think of the future with fear.  Knowing - with Lewy Bodies Dementia - that swallowing often becomes a problem, and choking or starvation can be the cause of death, sends me into great fear.  I pray my loved one is spared that.  But, there is nothing I can do about the course of this disease.  What I can do is enjoy him here and now in the present.  

Being Instruments of Healing

"Please remember, it is what you are that heals, not what you know." Carl Jung

What an interesting thing for the great Swiss psychiatrist to say -- with his advanced learning and development of theories of psychology.  If even Carl Jung knew that it was not what we know, but who we are, that heals -- we can know it just as well.  It is not how much you learn about caregiving that will make you a good caregiver; it is how you choose to show up in the role.  It makes a difference what the conscious decision is that we make toward caregiving.  Having decided to do caregiving with gracioiusness and compassion carries me through to act more in alignment with that intention.  What is your intention toward caregiving?   

Living Life Our Way

"Your life is in your hands.  You may live it as you wish." Christian D. Larson

Some people living now do not have the luxury of considering how they want to live their lives.  Some people, by necessity, are focused on survival.  Only when we have our basic needs met can we consider other ways of living.  Most of us are lucky enough to have food, shelter and protection -- so we can focus on how we want to live our lives.  Sometimes my loved one's hallucinations are of being imprisoned or held captive; and that makes so much sense -- because in a very real sense his disease of dementia is holding him captive.  We can consider caregiving as an imprisonment too, or we can consider we are doing it by choice.  Even if we did not choose to do the caregiving, we can choose our attitude toward doing it.