"Frequently, this reflex to solve, rescue, and fix removes us from the tenderness at hand. Intimacy arises not from any attempt to take the pain away, but from living through together; not from a working out, but from a being with." Mark Nepo
Nepo is speaking of trying to take care of someone else's feelings, which we cannot do and is detrimental to us to try. If you, like me, have a care receiver who tends to look at many things negatively, there is a temptation to try to fix it for them. But we cannot, and it is so instructive for me to remember how much the other people in residence at the assisted living facility enjoy the food prepared. Whenever I go see or talk with my spouse, his first words are usually complaining about a recent meal. I am coming to realize that is his orientation, and I cannot fix it for him. We cannot fix the feelings of others, and it creates a very dysfunctional situation if we try. We have a responsibility to ourselves to take care of our own feelings, and we benefit --- spiritually, physically and mentally -- if we choose to orient ourselves to positive feelings and thoughts.
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