|"As long as the mind is enslaved, the body can never be free." Dr. Martin Luther King|
Is it possible for the mind to be enslaved by our caregiving? Unfortunately, yes. Caregiving can be consuming. We can become obsessed with it. Taking responsibility for another person is a staggering thing. I had wanted to have the services and details done in a prompt fashion, but schedules precluded the burial until yesterday. There are still death certificates to deliver, and a sorting out of finances -- how will finances be for me now? But, then, this part is finished.
Oct 8, 2015
Oct 7, 2015
|"The strands are all there: to the memory, nothing is lost." Eudora Weltly|
I have been surprised at the void I feel with my loved one's death. What is my purpose now? What do I do with my time? I tried very hard not to make his care my purpose, but the reality is it took much of my physical and mental time. So, what now? I do not want to capriciously fill the void. I want to be thoughtful. So, I am have being reflective. What is next for me? For now, it seems being quiet, noticing what comes up, not making any major decisions,
Oct 6, 2015
|"If you keep telling the same sad, small story, you will keep living the same sad, small life."|
I had the opportunity to hear Jean Houston speak many years ago and saw her recently being interviewed by Oprah. She is right that we need to not tell our sad, small story. Even in grieving, I find I need to not tell my sad, small story. I do, of course, need to process that grief, but not to tell the story again and again. What I am focused on now is designing the life I want post caregiving someone with dementia. It has been many years, so I get a chance to completely redefine what I want my life to be. And, I want to create it with great care.
Oct 5, 2015
|"If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." |
Part of my stress at the funeral was I felt pressure to arrange a service that would be what my loved one would want. I some how felt pressure to have it very nice. Not that I would not have had it nice anyway, but it was the pressure I felt that added to my stress. Pressure that was self imposed. I don't know how we can always get it right -- the balance between honoring other people and being true to ourselves; but it is critical we do. It is so true that you cannot please all of the people all of the time, and it is equally true that it is so important that we know what is important to us and live our lives in accordance with that.
Oct 4, 2015
|"Vision without execution is just hallucination." Henry Ford|
Yes, execution - or action - is important, but so is finding one's own rhythm, setting one's own pace, honoring one's own speed. It is an important antidote to stress. To stop pushing ourselves, stop trying to remember to get every little thing done; and to honor our need for rest and respite. Whether you are caregiving yourself, using the services of someone else, or done with the actual caregiving, it is so important to give oneself respite from the pressures.
Oct 3, 2015
|"Faith is taking the first step even when you cannot see the whole staircase." |
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Caregiving for someone with dementia can last for just a little while, or for a very long time. A very long time is the more common. It was 8 years from his diagnosis to his death. Mayo Clinic had given us brochures which said Lewy Bodies Dementia usually lasts from 3-5 years after diagnosis til death. Whatever the length of time, it will sometimes seem very long. It is so important that you have the support you need for the journey.
Oct 2, 2015
|"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt|
I wasn't sure that I could get through his eulogy at the wake service, but I did with poise and elegance. It was the next day, after a sleepless night, at the funeral where I had little responsibility that I was more unraveled. Strange. There were so many details to manage during his death and funeral and burial arrangements. And, now, there are all the people to notify. The automatic payments on his insurance to stop. Thank you's to write. So many things to do.