We need four hugs a day for survival.
We need eight hugs a day for maintenance.
We need twelve hugs a day for growth.
--Virginia Satir
Virginia Satir was an internationally acclaimed therapist. She helped people learn how to be happy and how to be their best in relationships. I had the very good fortune to attend her trainings while she was alive and still working. She was amazing in the work she did with families. Absolutely transformational. She also believed in loving oneself, receiving love from others, and showing love for others. So, if we need 4-12 hugs per day, how many have you had thus far today? Most of us would have to say, 'none'. Where can we get our hugs. Support groups, families, good friends. Let us see where we can get good, healthy hugs. And, of course, give them.
Dec 7, 2012
Dec 6, 2012
A Day of Shopping
"If we practice self-hatred, then the sacrifice we make of ourselves and our lives is not sacred, for it is then a gift of something we hate rather than of something that we have nurtured and loved." Gwynneve, nun 500 AD
A full day of fun and shopping. Dwane wanted to do his Christmas shopping, so off we went after PT. First to lunch, then to a few stores of his choosing. He is doing so much better with PT re-established. Walking better, more upright. We made a list during lunch, to facilitate our trip and make it more efficient, as he tires quickly. I had already ordered the gifts for the grandchildren overseas, and we got all the rest done today. Whew. Dwane had good stamina and was able to walk in the stores more than the last time we had an outing. Later this week, I will decorate his room for the holidays, we will address cards, and wrap presents. A day well spent.
This nun, Gwyneeve, of long ago has good advice for us today. Self hatred is a poor gift for anyone. It is so important to have healthy self regard. Then we are a gift to ourselves and others. Name one thing you like about yourself today.
A full day of fun and shopping. Dwane wanted to do his Christmas shopping, so off we went after PT. First to lunch, then to a few stores of his choosing. He is doing so much better with PT re-established. Walking better, more upright. We made a list during lunch, to facilitate our trip and make it more efficient, as he tires quickly. I had already ordered the gifts for the grandchildren overseas, and we got all the rest done today. Whew. Dwane had good stamina and was able to walk in the stores more than the last time we had an outing. Later this week, I will decorate his room for the holidays, we will address cards, and wrap presents. A day well spent.
This nun, Gwyneeve, of long ago has good advice for us today. Self hatred is a poor gift for anyone. It is so important to have healthy self regard. Then we are a gift to ourselves and others. Name one thing you like about yourself today.
Dec 5, 2012
For Our Health: Stop Striving to be Important
"She was not telling me to stop writing, but to stop striving to be important. . . . . . now I know that health resides in restoring direct experience." Mark Nepo
In the above quote, Nepo is referring to something that Helen Luke said to him: "Yours is to live it; not to reveal it." Nepo says that he had felt prior to this advice, that he was to reveal life through his poetry; but he came to understand that "living is the original art." This seems something that most humans can learn. It is so easy to be distracted by many projects (even very important ones), professional achievements, any ways in which we are 'making a name for ourselves', but - perhaps - living IS the original art. That might mean that we reevaluate what takes up our time and mental energy. Perhaps we will discover that our goal has been to make ourselves important; instead of living life directly. Living life directly is -- in my opinion -- hard to do. It is so tempting to be distracted by our inner thoughts or some exterior stimuli. Have you tried recently to just be? To just experience whatever is in front of you -- without judgment or mental chatter? Let us notice today if we are present to what is the experience of our lives.
In the above quote, Nepo is referring to something that Helen Luke said to him: "Yours is to live it; not to reveal it." Nepo says that he had felt prior to this advice, that he was to reveal life through his poetry; but he came to understand that "living is the original art." This seems something that most humans can learn. It is so easy to be distracted by many projects (even very important ones), professional achievements, any ways in which we are 'making a name for ourselves', but - perhaps - living IS the original art. That might mean that we reevaluate what takes up our time and mental energy. Perhaps we will discover that our goal has been to make ourselves important; instead of living life directly. Living life directly is -- in my opinion -- hard to do. It is so tempting to be distracted by our inner thoughts or some exterior stimuli. Have you tried recently to just be? To just experience whatever is in front of you -- without judgment or mental chatter? Let us notice today if we are present to what is the experience of our lives.
Dec 4, 2012
Older Adults and Falls
"Each year more than one-third of Americans older than 65 experience a fall and nearly two million end up in the emergency room for injuries due to those falls." Dr. Richard Holm
Falls in older adults can cause fractured hips and arms and head injuries. The cost to U.S. society is billions of dollars a year, with more than 300,000 hip fractures needing major surgery every year. Slower reflexes, poorer vision, less muscle strength, balance problems, generalized illness and Parkinson's Disease all increase the risk of falling. Excess use of alcohol is another cause of falls. Falling was one of the reasons that required Dwane moving into assisted living. He had three falls and one head injury in the weeks before moving him into assisted living. This was in spite of my efforts to make our environment safe, with no loose rugs, plenty of night lights, no clutter on the floors, no exposed cords in traffic patterns. We need to make our homes as safe as we can; and that may still not be enough to prevent someone with Lewy Bodies Dementia (which has a significant Parkinson's aspect) from falling.
Falls in older adults can cause fractured hips and arms and head injuries. The cost to U.S. society is billions of dollars a year, with more than 300,000 hip fractures needing major surgery every year. Slower reflexes, poorer vision, less muscle strength, balance problems, generalized illness and Parkinson's Disease all increase the risk of falling. Excess use of alcohol is another cause of falls. Falling was one of the reasons that required Dwane moving into assisted living. He had three falls and one head injury in the weeks before moving him into assisted living. This was in spite of my efforts to make our environment safe, with no loose rugs, plenty of night lights, no clutter on the floors, no exposed cords in traffic patterns. We need to make our homes as safe as we can; and that may still not be enough to prevent someone with Lewy Bodies Dementia (which has a significant Parkinson's aspect) from falling.
Dec 3, 2012
Irony
"Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding." Agnes Repplier
Irony. Within the past two weeks, the director of the assisted living facility where Dwane lives has told me -- in what seems to me to have been a knee-jerk reaction to a bad weekend he was having -- that Dwane could not stay there any longer and would need to be moved to a nursing home. Then, just days later, Dwane told me he thought it was time he moved home, since "no one does anything for me any way." (We need to remember that he also expressed the opinion that I did nothing for him when he was home.) A dear friend had warned me (having experienced Lewy Bodies Dementia with her father) that Dwane might continue to off and on insist on going home, but, still, it took me by surprise -- especially with the threat of the director saying he needed even more services than they could deliver. I have changed the tide of the director wanting him to be moved by getting PT started again (which I had already been trying for several weeks) and getting his medication changed. Amazingly, in an error between the assisted living facility and the pharmacy, there had been an omission of one of his meds. Now I will be consulting with the nurse regularly to avoid further problems, but it still amazes me that the error occurred. I know Dwane would rather be home. Most people would prefer being home. But, that is not to be, and it is very difficult for him to understand the need for assisted living -- especially when he seems to believe that "no one does anything for me any way". As caregivers, this dissonance is something we can expect, but it is still very, very difficult to hear and deal with.
Irony. Within the past two weeks, the director of the assisted living facility where Dwane lives has told me -- in what seems to me to have been a knee-jerk reaction to a bad weekend he was having -- that Dwane could not stay there any longer and would need to be moved to a nursing home. Then, just days later, Dwane told me he thought it was time he moved home, since "no one does anything for me any way." (We need to remember that he also expressed the opinion that I did nothing for him when he was home.) A dear friend had warned me (having experienced Lewy Bodies Dementia with her father) that Dwane might continue to off and on insist on going home, but, still, it took me by surprise -- especially with the threat of the director saying he needed even more services than they could deliver. I have changed the tide of the director wanting him to be moved by getting PT started again (which I had already been trying for several weeks) and getting his medication changed. Amazingly, in an error between the assisted living facility and the pharmacy, there had been an omission of one of his meds. Now I will be consulting with the nurse regularly to avoid further problems, but it still amazes me that the error occurred. I know Dwane would rather be home. Most people would prefer being home. But, that is not to be, and it is very difficult for him to understand the need for assisted living -- especially when he seems to believe that "no one does anything for me any way". As caregivers, this dissonance is something we can expect, but it is still very, very difficult to hear and deal with.
Dec 2, 2012
Having Dreams
"Living up to a dream is rarely as important as entering it for all it has to teach." Mark Nepo
The above quote follows what Mark Nepo describes as two big dreams of his life: being a professional basketball player and being a poet. He says he did not fail at his basketball dream; it is just that being a poet carried him from that dream. And, later, cancer opened him up to the "uncovered life of spirit" that has carried him beyond poet. It is important to realize that dreams come and go. We will not fulfill all of our dreams, and I would suggest that perhaps the Universe has something better in mind for us when our dreams fall by the wayside to make room for something unexpected. There is wisdom in what Nepo recommends: that we enter our dreams for all they have to teach us. I have, off and on in my life, dreamed of being a writer. My first college degree was in writing. Other dreams have come and been lived: My dream of being a stay-at-home mother in an intact family was lived and left. Needing to provide for my children and me took me through other college degrees and work experiences. My response to life has been to learn from the experiences life has brought me. Perhaps now is the time to dream again.
The above quote follows what Mark Nepo describes as two big dreams of his life: being a professional basketball player and being a poet. He says he did not fail at his basketball dream; it is just that being a poet carried him from that dream. And, later, cancer opened him up to the "uncovered life of spirit" that has carried him beyond poet. It is important to realize that dreams come and go. We will not fulfill all of our dreams, and I would suggest that perhaps the Universe has something better in mind for us when our dreams fall by the wayside to make room for something unexpected. There is wisdom in what Nepo recommends: that we enter our dreams for all they have to teach us. I have, off and on in my life, dreamed of being a writer. My first college degree was in writing. Other dreams have come and been lived: My dream of being a stay-at-home mother in an intact family was lived and left. Needing to provide for my children and me took me through other college degrees and work experiences. My response to life has been to learn from the experiences life has brought me. Perhaps now is the time to dream again.
Dec 1, 2012
Seeing What is Right
One way to become enthusiastic is to look for the plus sign. To make progress in any difficult situation, you have to start with what's right about it and build on that.
-- Norman Vincent Peale
When things are really tough, it is hard to look at what is right. This fall has been stressful for me: a medical crisis involving people I love, the assisted living center saying Dwane needed to go into a nursing home, two flat tires, plumbing problems, optical migraines that changed my vision, and a neighbor running into and destroying our mailbox. Any one of these things could be stressful, but, together they created one of the most stressful periods of my life. Even in these difficult situations, it is important to see what is right: The skilled staff in the intensive care unit, the wonderful will to live, the love and prayers and support from caring people, the ability to honor what is important and let other things go, the skill of asking for help, allowing others to love and support us. And, most of all, the good outcome. Much that is right, and much to be grateful for -- to build on even better times. What is going right in your life right now?
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