Apr 30, 2012
Question for Readers
Drooling. One of the most humiliating aspects of Lewy Bodies Dementia for Dwane is the excessive drooling. We have asked physicians about it. What we can do, can it be prevented, etc. to no avail. So, I am asking the wise readers of this blog. What do you do about the drooling? The things we have tried: antihistamine, but that makes him sleepy and he already has narcolepsy with which to contend/ waterproof pads on mattresses and pillows, but that does not stop him getting all wet at night/having him carry 2 handkerchiefs to use to wipe up the drool. There must be something more helpful than any of these. I would appreciate ideas from any of you. You can either comment on this blog or email me at jklifecoach2@gmail.com Thank you.
Apr 29, 2012
Human Need
"The greatest desire of a human being is to express who we are." Dr. Jim Lockard
One of the things we lose sight of as caregivers is who we are, what we might want, what we might like to do. A caregiver whose husband had died said that was her biggest task: rediscovering what she wants. There are probably some people who are able, perhaps with sufficient financial and physical support, to not 'lose' themselves in the caregiving task. But I think they must be rare. My spiritual advisor yesterday reflected to me that - even with my professional mental health skill set, I was not able to prevent becoming overly entangled in the task of caregiving. The needs are so many, the responsibilities so great -- how are we to manage them - without losing sight of who we are and what we might prefer doing? I was not able to do it, and I personally have not seen anyone else do it well. Someone I know who also provided caregiving said rather harshly to me that a person still has responsibilities for the care receiver, even if that person is in assisted living. Of course. But, it is vastly different. I just had my first worry-free mini vacation in over 5 years. I traveled to see our eldest grandson inducted into the National Honor Society. It felt so strange not to have Dwane's safety and well being occupy a lot of my mental space --- because I knew he was safe. And, as a dear reader pointed out to me, now I have the energy to advocate for him because I am not worn out by the tasks and responsibilities of daily caregiving. A Mayo Clinic newsletter once said that most caregivers wait too long to place a person into assisted living. I agree. It is imprudent of us to let this disease of dementia take us too.
One of the things we lose sight of as caregivers is who we are, what we might want, what we might like to do. A caregiver whose husband had died said that was her biggest task: rediscovering what she wants. There are probably some people who are able, perhaps with sufficient financial and physical support, to not 'lose' themselves in the caregiving task. But I think they must be rare. My spiritual advisor yesterday reflected to me that - even with my professional mental health skill set, I was not able to prevent becoming overly entangled in the task of caregiving. The needs are so many, the responsibilities so great -- how are we to manage them - without losing sight of who we are and what we might prefer doing? I was not able to do it, and I personally have not seen anyone else do it well. Someone I know who also provided caregiving said rather harshly to me that a person still has responsibilities for the care receiver, even if that person is in assisted living. Of course. But, it is vastly different. I just had my first worry-free mini vacation in over 5 years. I traveled to see our eldest grandson inducted into the National Honor Society. It felt so strange not to have Dwane's safety and well being occupy a lot of my mental space --- because I knew he was safe. And, as a dear reader pointed out to me, now I have the energy to advocate for him because I am not worn out by the tasks and responsibilities of daily caregiving. A Mayo Clinic newsletter once said that most caregivers wait too long to place a person into assisted living. I agree. It is imprudent of us to let this disease of dementia take us too.
Apr 28, 2012
Silence
"The closest that we ever get to the Absolute is in silence, a silence free of all thought and self-reference. Such a state must be cultivated over time through diligent spiritual practice."Dr. Jim Lockard
Back home in the high country my favorite time of day is early morning. During my prayer time I can enjoy the towering pine and spruce trees out my window, and the total silence - broken only by the sound of birds singing, rejoicing in the spring season, and the tumbling of the creek; and sometimes the wind in the trees, making them dance like ballerinas. Silence seems almost antithetical nowadays in our society, with our 24/7 connection to media. But, I think, the only way we can attain our higher consciousness is through the practice of silence "free of all self-reference". How many of our thoughts are free of self-reference? Very few. That is why it takes silence and the practice of being free of thought in order to cultivate our higher selves. How do you find silence in your life?
Back home in the high country my favorite time of day is early morning. During my prayer time I can enjoy the towering pine and spruce trees out my window, and the total silence - broken only by the sound of birds singing, rejoicing in the spring season, and the tumbling of the creek; and sometimes the wind in the trees, making them dance like ballerinas. Silence seems almost antithetical nowadays in our society, with our 24/7 connection to media. But, I think, the only way we can attain our higher consciousness is through the practice of silence "free of all self-reference". How many of our thoughts are free of self-reference? Very few. That is why it takes silence and the practice of being free of thought in order to cultivate our higher selves. How do you find silence in your life?
Apr 27, 2012
Power vs Love
"The highest-ranking wolf in the pack isn't the one that uses brute force. It's the one who can, and chooses not to." Jodi Piccoult
I am reading a book of fiction, Lone Wolf, by the above author. A good author; she always researches her material and writes good fiction about something that is a social issue. As I read this book, I am reminded of how much like wolves we humans can act. I have had some recent experiences with women who miss-use power, and this quote helps me understand. They miss-use power because, in truth, they are not very powerful. Powerful people (and apparently, wolves) do not need to show they are powerful. This is an important human observation. People who throw their weight around, who want their way despite what someone else may request, who do not honor boundaries or requests: these people are not truly powerful. They are bullies. To be truly powerful is to act from love, and love absolutely contraindicates the use of power. There is no place for power plays when one is acting out of love, and there is no love where one is trying to wield power. So, it is our choice, really. Do we want to be bullies? Or do we want to act from love? And, do we want to allow bullying or do we insist on respectful loving treatment at all times? I know which I choose. Love. That is the only acceptable way.
I am reading a book of fiction, Lone Wolf, by the above author. A good author; she always researches her material and writes good fiction about something that is a social issue. As I read this book, I am reminded of how much like wolves we humans can act. I have had some recent experiences with women who miss-use power, and this quote helps me understand. They miss-use power because, in truth, they are not very powerful. Powerful people (and apparently, wolves) do not need to show they are powerful. This is an important human observation. People who throw their weight around, who want their way despite what someone else may request, who do not honor boundaries or requests: these people are not truly powerful. They are bullies. To be truly powerful is to act from love, and love absolutely contraindicates the use of power. There is no place for power plays when one is acting out of love, and there is no love where one is trying to wield power. So, it is our choice, really. Do we want to be bullies? Or do we want to act from love? And, do we want to allow bullying or do we insist on respectful loving treatment at all times? I know which I choose. Love. That is the only acceptable way.
Apr 26, 2012
Positive Comments
"Little else you say can change so much in the life of another as words of praise, compliments, or encouragement." TUT, Note from the Universe www.tut.com
I once heard a speaker say that giving compliments was a way to distance yourself from people. When he said it, I was intrigued. Now, years later, I am still trying to decide if he was correct in what he said, as it has been a long practice of mine to provide positive feedback (praise, compliments and encouragement) to others. So, this message from the Universe which arrived in my email box today is especially poignant for me. A practice I developed in the 1970's from M. Scott Peck's book, The Road Less Traveled, was to say to people only what I truly believed was in their best interest to hear. That eliminates a lot of talk, and it helps me be conscious that what I do say is helpful to the person who hears it, which includes myself. So, that eliminates negativity, judgment, criticism, sarcasm (stopped that when I read it came from a root word meaning to 'tear flesh'), humor at anyone's expense, comments which limit myself or others. This list is not inclusive of all the ways humans diminish one another verbally. So, until proven wrong, I will continue the practice of speaking to others words of praise, compliments and encouragement -- truthfully. I will also speak the hard truths when I believe that is necessary for the person's highest and best interest. A fine discerning, which I think can come only from faithful spiritual practice.
I once heard a speaker say that giving compliments was a way to distance yourself from people. When he said it, I was intrigued. Now, years later, I am still trying to decide if he was correct in what he said, as it has been a long practice of mine to provide positive feedback (praise, compliments and encouragement) to others. So, this message from the Universe which arrived in my email box today is especially poignant for me. A practice I developed in the 1970's from M. Scott Peck's book, The Road Less Traveled, was to say to people only what I truly believed was in their best interest to hear. That eliminates a lot of talk, and it helps me be conscious that what I do say is helpful to the person who hears it, which includes myself. So, that eliminates negativity, judgment, criticism, sarcasm (stopped that when I read it came from a root word meaning to 'tear flesh'), humor at anyone's expense, comments which limit myself or others. This list is not inclusive of all the ways humans diminish one another verbally. So, until proven wrong, I will continue the practice of speaking to others words of praise, compliments and encouragement -- truthfully. I will also speak the hard truths when I believe that is necessary for the person's highest and best interest. A fine discerning, which I think can come only from faithful spiritual practice.
Apr 25, 2012
Kindness
"If we are in a supermarket when someone drops a bag of groceries on the floor and we don't help that person pick things up, what difference does it make how deeply we know we're a being of God?" Lee Lozowick
Kindness involves a constant attitude. It seems to me that people who are selectively kind (and we all know some people like that - may even have been ourselves at times) are kind to people from whom they get some payoff, but their unkindness occurs with family members - to whom they feel safe to let down their mask, and to service people -- the people at the cash register, waiters, etc. It has seemed to me for a long time that kindness cannot be genuine unless it is practiced within one's own home. Many, many years ago it occurred to me that I had an opportunity (and responsibility) to choose how I was going to affect the atmosphere in our home. Cheerfulness, courtesy, fun, respect, careful and loving communication, doing my share of what it takes to keep a house going: all of these are, in my opinion, acts of kindness. Many years ago I was with a group going into a place to eat in the evening. On the path going in, there was a broken beer bottle with the jagged edge up. I stopped and - seeing no garbage can, moved the broken bottle against the building with the jagged edges down, so that no one could inadvertently step on it in the dark. I thought nothing of the action, but someone in the group - noticing what I had done, commented that it was so like me. I am not trying to make myself out to be a hero; it was something anyone would have done, but I do think it was reflective of my decision to practice 24/7 kindness. What act of kindness have you done or received today?
Kindness involves a constant attitude. It seems to me that people who are selectively kind (and we all know some people like that - may even have been ourselves at times) are kind to people from whom they get some payoff, but their unkindness occurs with family members - to whom they feel safe to let down their mask, and to service people -- the people at the cash register, waiters, etc. It has seemed to me for a long time that kindness cannot be genuine unless it is practiced within one's own home. Many, many years ago it occurred to me that I had an opportunity (and responsibility) to choose how I was going to affect the atmosphere in our home. Cheerfulness, courtesy, fun, respect, careful and loving communication, doing my share of what it takes to keep a house going: all of these are, in my opinion, acts of kindness. Many years ago I was with a group going into a place to eat in the evening. On the path going in, there was a broken beer bottle with the jagged edge up. I stopped and - seeing no garbage can, moved the broken bottle against the building with the jagged edges down, so that no one could inadvertently step on it in the dark. I thought nothing of the action, but someone in the group - noticing what I had done, commented that it was so like me. I am not trying to make myself out to be a hero; it was something anyone would have done, but I do think it was reflective of my decision to practice 24/7 kindness. What act of kindness have you done or received today?
Apr 24, 2012
thank you
Thank you readers and friends for your thoughtful and supportive comments about our decision and need for Dwane to move to assisted living. I so appreciate your taking the time to comment, and I appreciate the support from others who actually understand the stress and role of caregiving.
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