Human Need

"The greatest desire of a human being is to express who we are." Dr. Jim Lockard

One of the things we lose sight of as caregivers is who we are, what we might want, what we might like to do.  A caregiver whose husband had died said that was her biggest task:  rediscovering what she wants.  There are probably some people who are able, perhaps with sufficient financial and physical support, to not 'lose' themselves in the caregiving task.  But I think they must be rare.  My spiritual advisor yesterday reflected to me that - even with my professional mental health skill set, I was not able to prevent becoming overly entangled in the task of caregiving.  The needs are so many, the responsibilities so great -- how are we to manage them - without losing sight of who we are and what we might prefer doing?  I was not able to do it, and I personally have not seen anyone else do it well.  Someone I know who also provided caregiving said rather harshly to me that a person still has responsibilities for the care receiver, even if that person is in assisted living.  Of course.  But, it is vastly different.  I just had my first worry-free mini vacation in over 5 years.  I traveled to see our eldest grandson inducted into the National Honor Society.  It felt so strange not to have Dwane's safety and well being occupy a lot of my mental space --- because I knew he was safe.  And, as a dear reader pointed out to me, now I have the energy to advocate for him because I am not worn out by the tasks and responsibilities of daily caregiving.  A Mayo Clinic newsletter once said that most caregivers wait too long to place a person into assisted living.  I agree.  It is imprudent of us to let this disease of dementia take us too.