Caregiving as Addiction?!

"I have been learning that the life of a caretaker is as addictive as the life of an alcoholic." Mark Nepo

When I first read this sentence of Mark Nepo's, I was annoyed; and I have learned over the years that if something annoys me, it is good for me to consider it more deeply.  I am not sure what type of caretaker Mark Nepo is referring to (caretaker is a term also used for someone in relationship with a person with an addiction), but the more I have considered it, the more truth I see in it.  After all, let us consider how to identify an addiction:  it is something that consumes one's life at the expense of other things that bring them joy, robs them of things they value - such as relationships and their own health, and becomes the one and only focal point in their lives.  And, if we are honest, isn't that what caregiving for someone with dementia entails?  Someone who cares about me recently reflected to me that it was as if I was tending a 3 year old -- my antenna was up, a part of my attention was always on the safety and well being of the care receiver, and I was hyper alert for danger and mishaps. 

For each of us our reaction to caregiving and what we need to do for our own health will be different.  Some can reestablish their autonomy and mental health by having family or paid staff in, some can detach so that the caregiving is for them not such a burden (although I think that would be extremely difficult to do), and some can relax only when the care receiver is in a safe place and the caretaker has his or her own life back.  Let us not judge one another for the choices we need to make for our own well being and the safety of the person for whom we provide care.