Disappearance of Person We Knew

"They just disappear right in front of you, it eats the soul before the body."  Scott Turow speaking about Alzheimer's Disease

Although the above quote is written in a piece of fiction, it does speak to what I have heard many family members say about dementia:  The person we once knew disappears before our eyes.  That is why this is such a long grieving process.  We grieve the loss of the personality of the person we love, and then we grieve the loss of the person's physical capabilities and presence.  We also grieve the loss of our own freedom.  People have termed it the 'long goodbye', and that is apt.  It could also be called the 'multitude of goodbyes'.  One thing I think that we as caregivers may want to recognize is that it also is a goodbye to the dreams we shared with this person.  For some of us, that may be the hardest thing to give up and the most important thing to grieve.  The loss of the hopes, the dreams, the plans.  Dwane and I were talking -- in our adjustment to his living now in assisted living, that we never did rent that pontoon so he could fish.  So, we will do that this summer.  Assisted living does not have to be all or nothing.  We can still accomplish some of the dreams and plans we have had.  But, the sad thing is, we will not be able to accomplish them all.