Self Doubt

"When thrown off-center, when old patterns return, when feeling exhausted or depressed, I so quickly become the exaggerated cause of all that is not right with the world.  In that place of separation, we become darkly self-centered, blaming ourselves for not fixing things or making things right or for letting bad things happen."  Mark Nepo

Usually when we think of someone as egotistic, we think of braggarts, self-inflated and selfish people.  But Mark Nepo suggests it is just as ego-centered to think we are the cause of anything going wrong.  I think that is an easy trap to fall into as caregivers.  We begin to take on more and more responsibility, seeing to all needs and concerns, that - when some of this goes wrong, we feel responsible.  There is no way we can make entirely smooth the path for the person with the terminal and progressive condition of dementia.  Nor, I dare say, does it do them or us any good when we try.  Life by its very nature is not smooth; and, are we really doing someone a favor when we strive - perhaps wearing ourselves out by striving - to prevent any mishaps for someone else?  I moved home to a leaking roof.  No one tried to make that smooth for me.  It took my own action of calling a reputable roofer that prevented further damage.  While the person with dementia is likely not to be able to think and plan that clearly, he or she does need to experience the reality of their condition.  Of course, we need to have plans in place to keep them safe and to prevent problems, but it is to our own detriment if we try to smooth before them their entire life path.