Wheel of Life Exercise

"The big moments in life tend not to be the ones that wear us down.  Even great tragedies sometimes brings out the best in us.  What wears us down is the day to day and hour to hour." Father Richard Veras

I am not sure I agree that the big moments in life might not have a very stressful impact, but I do agree that it is the tediousness of day to day and hour to hour that can become wearing -- especially if those day to day and hour to hour contents are stressful.  There are glimpses of fun and joy in caregiving, but - let's be honest - those glimpses tend to be overshadowed by the stress.  The stress of too much to do.  The stress of dealing with a difficult personality.  The stress of addressing the needs of the care receiver, while also dealing with the details of our own lives.  That is why it is so important to have good supportive practices:  eating the right amounts of nutritious food, adequate sleep, time for fun and relaxation, exercise daily, time for important relationships, prayer or meditation.  The practice of determining the level of satisfaction in one's life can be done using the "Wheel of Life".  I do not know who first started this idea, but there are many options on the internet.  The idea is to look at one's life as if it were a wheel with spokes, dividing the wheel like a pie cut in pieces.  The pieces of pie have categories, usually:  Personal Growth, Fun and Recreation, Family and Friends, Health, Finances, Business/Career, Physical Environment, Romance.  The idea is to determine your level of satisfaction in each area by thinking of the center of the wheel as 0 and the perimeter as 10.  You draw a line across the segment, marking your level of satisfaction in that area.  The purpose of this exercise is to see if you have a well-balanced life, which is thought to be important for the overall satisfaction one has with one's life -- in both the everyday and the longterm.

Take a few minutes, consider your level of satisfaction, and draw a ling across that segment -- thus making a new outer perimeter for yourself.  You will see in which areas you are satisfied, and in which you have room to increase satisfaction.  (image from www.nadiasylvester.com)

Longevity Personality

"Having certain traits or even tweaking your behavior to fake these traits could add years to your life." Patrick Hill, PhD

Here are the three characteristics, cited by Dr. Hill:

1.  Elderly people who are the most optimistic and easygoing live the longest.  One way to practice this characteristic is to write down daily at least one thing for which you are grateful.

2.  Having strong social relationships can raise survival odds by 50% (Brigham Young University study).  If you are not naturally outgoing, join a book club or get together with a couple friends for lunch.

3.  Be on time.  Conscientiousness -- which means being detail oriented and responsible -- is consistently associated with longevity.  One way to increase your conscientiousness is by making and completing to-do lists. 

Eating for Happiness

"For the happiest eaters in a brand-new study, produce, fish, and healthy oils were the recipe for joy." France's National Institute of Health and Medical Research

The results of this latest study from France are complemented by one recently released by the U.S. Institute of Health.  The Mediterranean diet is the key to good health of one's body, and - now it turns out - one's emotional status.  The Mediterranean diet also includes poultry and nuts, with an emphasis on produce.  Living alone now, I have returned to my own eating habits, which include lots of vegetables and some protein.  Most days I have a salad with lots of different vegetables, perhaps some blueberries, and a source of protein.  I knew I was eating well for my body, and it is a wonderful bonus to know I am also eating well for my emotions.  It appears that the ingredients in these diets supports our brain's chemistry and promotes well being.  With all the adverse news one can catch in the media, this is one way to counteract that negativity -- eating well and practicing gratitude.  Two proven habits to support overall health.

Sleep: Getting Enough

"Most people don't realize that 'sleeping in' can actually contribute to insomnia.  I also keep all electronics, tv included, out of the bedroom, and I write a to-do list before bed so I don't stay awake worrying about the next day's tasks."  Travis Stork, MD

Sleep can be elusive as we get older, particularly with the demands and sometimes unpleasantness of caregiving.  We are going through another period where the care receiver is demanding to live at home, adamant no one else helps him anyway.  He can be very unpleasant and very unrealistic about the extent of the assistance he requires.  Of course, I know that this is due - in part - to his dementia; still, being human myself, it is upsetting.  That is usually what keeps me awake:  unpleasant conversations.  But, it can also be a list of things to do, and for handling that, Dr. Stork's recommendation is very good.  I tend to go to bed and get up at about the same time every day, and it had not occurred to me that sleeping in was counterproductive to sleeping well -- that is good information for people who tend to sleep in thinking it will 'catch them up' on their sleep.  I also do leg stretches at night, as restless legs can keep me awake for hours.  Calm, a powder of magnesium found at health food stores, also helps me be relaxed in body.  Whatever means you have found that support you are important because we do not cope well if we have not had sufficient sleep.  So, here's to wonderful nights of restorative sleep for us all.

Acting Despite Fear

"What would you do if you were not afraid?" sign at office of Facebook, reported to be COO Sheryl Sandberg's favorite sign

What would you do if you were not afraid?  It is a question worth pondering.  If you were not afraid of the reaction of the caregiver, would you make other choices for your life?  If you were not afraid of the financial repercussions, would you arrange more help so that you had more freedom?  If you were not afraid of other people's judgment and criticism, would you live your life differently?  Fear is a real feeling and obstacle that prevents us from living our lives fully.  There are those who say there is really only fear and love.  That may be true.  We either make our decisions out of fear.  Or, we make our decisions out of love.  From which position do you want to live?  A helpful exercise is to consider in whatever situation we are afraid:  what is the worst possible thing that could happen?  It is usually much less fearful than what we have imagined, and it is usually something we can handle.  This practice is an effective tool for handling our fear. 

Gratitude to Those Before Me

"Women can't have it all as long as they are doing it all."  Gloria Steinem

The above quote is Gloria Steinem's response to a reporter who is asking, rather incredulously, if Gloria really thinks women can have it all.  And, isn't it the truth, women, or men for that matter, cannot have it all if they are doing it all -- if they are doing the work outside the home as well as the work inside the home.  The Women's Movement shaped me, as it affected every other person on the planet.  While I was not out demonstrating, I was taking note of what was being said, and of the backlash from others with more conservative views. In watching the PBS program, "Makers:  Women Who Make America", it was interesting to remember what Shirley Chisholm said, that she suffered more discrimination from being a woman than she had ever suffered from being black. 

And, what does this have to do with caregiving?  We who are caregivers cannot have it all, either, as long as we are doing it all.  We cannot possibly have our lives and live them fully -- if our whole life and time and energy are given over to caregiving.  Caregiving is more than two jobs; it is three shifts around the clock.  It is humanly impossible to provide caregiving as the sole provider AND have a life.  So, let us take to heart Gloria Steinem's quote from above.  What kind of life do we want and how does caregiving fit into that life?

Positivity

"If you're not thinking about a negative thought, your vibration is going to raise to its natural positive place."  --- Abraham

Abraham speaks in terms of vibration.  Psychologists might speak in terms of positive thought patterns.  Spiritual people might speak in terms of thinking thoughts of gratitude.  In my opinion, we are all talking about the same thing.  It is critical for our health and the health of the planet that we refrain from negative thoughts about ourselves and others.  We need to abstain from resentment, bitterness, anger, jealousy -- perhaps that is why some of these were listed in the original Ten Commandments -- God knew we would live better lives if we abstained from these negative thought patterns.  And, our neighbors would live better lives too because we do live in interconnected ways, and our thoughts do impact others.  So, actually, we have a responsibility to keep them positive:  as a service to ourselves and the world.  What is right about your world today?  In my life, what is right, is I got to spend some time with an enchanting four month old yesterday, and we had beautiful blue sky, and I found the Kombucha beverage I like in stock and on sale at the store, and I got to practice a new skill I learned:  Body Talk (about which I will have a blog), and I got my hair cut in what I hope is an attractive style, and my body feels good after a great water aerobics session, and I had a lovely dinner of salad and chicken and watched NOVA - a program on public tv that I enjoy.  I spent time with some people I cherish most in this world.  A very good day indeed.  What is good about your day?