"As a seed buried in the earth cannot imagine itself as an orchid or hyacinth, neither can a heart packed with hurt imagine itself loved or at peace." Mark Nepo
If we are honest with ourselves, we all have times of hurt and disappointment and betrayal. These challenges Joseph Campbell says are simply a part of life, and one has to be okay with that. I agree. We can grow to the point where we are okay with the fact that life has challenges, or we become angry, rigid and controlling people. Everyone has challenges. It is probably true that most people are doing the best they can at any given moment, and do not intentionally hurt other people. We can give other people the benefit of doubt. We can learn to not take things so personally. We can look for the gift within the challenge, and - when we are in the midst of a challenging situation - we can know that we will return to a place where we experience peace.
Apr 7, 2013
Apr 6, 2013
How to Handle the Small Stuff
'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.' Maya Angelou
Such wisdom. I learned some time ago that a way to tell a lot about a person is to take a trip with them. It is amazing how much a person can learn from another person by being around them for even a 24-hour trip -- especially if something goes awry on the trip! Over my life I have learned there are people I want to be around if there is a crisis, and there are people I would prefer are not around in a crisis. A cancelled flight is another good example in which you can tell a lot about a person: what an array of reactions from people -- about something over which they have no control. One way I try to keep my serenity about things is to think if this incident/issue/challenge is important enough that I will remember it in ten years. That helps me not to sweat the small stuff, and - as the saying goes - most of the things are the small stuff.
Such wisdom. I learned some time ago that a way to tell a lot about a person is to take a trip with them. It is amazing how much a person can learn from another person by being around them for even a 24-hour trip -- especially if something goes awry on the trip! Over my life I have learned there are people I want to be around if there is a crisis, and there are people I would prefer are not around in a crisis. A cancelled flight is another good example in which you can tell a lot about a person: what an array of reactions from people -- about something over which they have no control. One way I try to keep my serenity about things is to think if this incident/issue/challenge is important enough that I will remember it in ten years. That helps me not to sweat the small stuff, and - as the saying goes - most of the things are the small stuff.
Apr 5, 2013
Choices
"We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see. We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors such as caretaking or controlling. Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency." Hazelden
Considering my options is an important priority for me. I have been told that I am so good at considering the options, that it is annoying. Perhaps. But, it is also a good skill to have. We can become so locked into behaviors, beliefs, habits, cultural teachings -- that we can become blind to our options. Making choices often upsets those around us, because the choices can be reflective of how we have changed; and change is frightening for many humans. I just read a fascinating article, shared by a friend, how science has now proven that we have another brain besides the one in our cranium; and that one is in our belly. It is not grey matter, but is a web of neurons lining the intestinal tract that perceives, thinks, learns, decides, acts and remembers -- completely independent from our cranial brain. This author, Philip Shepherd, says that our tasks as humans is to connect the brain in our head with the brain in our gut, to be fully alive and responsive to life. Shepherd says the way to get in touch with our brain in our belly is by our breath and by remaining in touch with that still point at the center of our being.
Considering my options is an important priority for me. I have been told that I am so good at considering the options, that it is annoying. Perhaps. But, it is also a good skill to have. We can become so locked into behaviors, beliefs, habits, cultural teachings -- that we can become blind to our options. Making choices often upsets those around us, because the choices can be reflective of how we have changed; and change is frightening for many humans. I just read a fascinating article, shared by a friend, how science has now proven that we have another brain besides the one in our cranium; and that one is in our belly. It is not grey matter, but is a web of neurons lining the intestinal tract that perceives, thinks, learns, decides, acts and remembers -- completely independent from our cranial brain. This author, Philip Shepherd, says that our tasks as humans is to connect the brain in our head with the brain in our gut, to be fully alive and responsive to life. Shepherd says the way to get in touch with our brain in our belly is by our breath and by remaining in touch with that still point at the center of our being.
Apr 4, 2013
Mountain Bluebird
"We celebrate the beautiful bluebird as a symbol of love, hope and happiness." Larry Zeleny
Today I saw my first mountain bluebird -- returned from its winter habitat. They are so exquisitely beautiful -- almost sky-blue all over. A sure sign of spring, despite there being so much snow that I still cannot get into our outside garage. I have contracted with some professionals to remove some of the pine beetle-infested trees on our property, so - instead of the usual solitude and silence, there is the sound of chain saws, doorbells ringing with questions and reports of progress, and smoke from the fires set to burn the infested trees. I dislike cutting down trees, but try to remember that taking out the infested trees protects the remaining trees. In spite of the upheaval with this project, it is wonderful to see warmer weather, longer days of sunlight, and emerging signs of spring. It arrives as a sign of optimism to me.
Today I saw my first mountain bluebird -- returned from its winter habitat. They are so exquisitely beautiful -- almost sky-blue all over. A sure sign of spring, despite there being so much snow that I still cannot get into our outside garage. I have contracted with some professionals to remove some of the pine beetle-infested trees on our property, so - instead of the usual solitude and silence, there is the sound of chain saws, doorbells ringing with questions and reports of progress, and smoke from the fires set to burn the infested trees. I dislike cutting down trees, but try to remember that taking out the infested trees protects the remaining trees. In spite of the upheaval with this project, it is wonderful to see warmer weather, longer days of sunlight, and emerging signs of spring. It arrives as a sign of optimism to me.
Apr 3, 2013
Doing the Impossible
"Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." St. Francis of Assisi
Providing caregiving for someone with dementia is doing the impossible -- if you are trying to do it alone. The assisted living facility personnel have told me that they cannot imagine how I did it alone for so long. I really cannot imagine it either. But, that is how it is done, is it not? We start by doing what is necessary, then what's possible, and then what is impossible. I don't think St. Francis was thinking of something like caregiving. He probably was talking about living according to what one can discern is God's will for one's life. St. Francis experienced a number of humiliations: he was a failure as a soldier, rejected by his father and judged to be a fool by many. He realized, however, that these were paths of awakening for him, and he used them as such so that his words and teaching still resonate today. Is it important for you to consider what God or Universe or the Divine might want for you? Is it possible that we have Divine Assignments to which we agree before coming here? If that is a possibility, what might yours be?
Providing caregiving for someone with dementia is doing the impossible -- if you are trying to do it alone. The assisted living facility personnel have told me that they cannot imagine how I did it alone for so long. I really cannot imagine it either. But, that is how it is done, is it not? We start by doing what is necessary, then what's possible, and then what is impossible. I don't think St. Francis was thinking of something like caregiving. He probably was talking about living according to what one can discern is God's will for one's life. St. Francis experienced a number of humiliations: he was a failure as a soldier, rejected by his father and judged to be a fool by many. He realized, however, that these were paths of awakening for him, and he used them as such so that his words and teaching still resonate today. Is it important for you to consider what God or Universe or the Divine might want for you? Is it possible that we have Divine Assignments to which we agree before coming here? If that is a possibility, what might yours be?
Apr 2, 2013
Freedom
April is a month of freedom and the redemption of innocence. Passover, Easter and Ramadan -- the April Holy days of Judaism, Christianity and Islam are about being made new, being born again out of the slavery of the ego into the spaciousness of Divine Mind. The Spring Equinox is likewise the invitation of the Earth Mother to become again as little children, to be born anew in the wholeness of our potential." Dr. Joan Borysenko
We are in the season of rebirth, from ancient myths and traditions to evidence in the world of nature; a time Dr. Borysenko says is symbolic of freeing ourselves from the slavery of our egos. That is somewhat hard to imagine -- that we are slaves to a part of ourselves, but other teachers support this idea. A goal of lifetime is to free ourselves from the clutches of ego. Perhaps that is how people like Dr. Viktor Frankl experienced freedom - even in the midst of a concentration camp. Perhaps it does not matter so much our external circumstances, but our interior ones. Being a caregiver for someone with dementia can be imprisoning too - we literally have less freedom, less time to follow our own pursuits. In what ways can we have more freedom within the role of caregiver? If we follow Dr. Borysenko's advice, it is by freeing ourselves from our own egos. This involves becoming other-centered, versus self-centered. It involves remembering that we are all connected.
We are in the season of rebirth, from ancient myths and traditions to evidence in the world of nature; a time Dr. Borysenko says is symbolic of freeing ourselves from the slavery of our egos. That is somewhat hard to imagine -- that we are slaves to a part of ourselves, but other teachers support this idea. A goal of lifetime is to free ourselves from the clutches of ego. Perhaps that is how people like Dr. Viktor Frankl experienced freedom - even in the midst of a concentration camp. Perhaps it does not matter so much our external circumstances, but our interior ones. Being a caregiver for someone with dementia can be imprisoning too - we literally have less freedom, less time to follow our own pursuits. In what ways can we have more freedom within the role of caregiver? If we follow Dr. Borysenko's advice, it is by freeing ourselves from our own egos. This involves becoming other-centered, versus self-centered. It involves remembering that we are all connected.
Apr 1, 2013
Forgiving Self
"“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” Robert Muller
A reader reminded me that the person who is most difficult and the person who is most important to forgive is oneself. Yes. In order to have proper self regard, we need to forgive ourselves for any and all shortcomings and perceived transgressions. Of course, there is also the step of making things right -- when possible and appropriate. If possible and in the best interest of the person we may have harmed, we need to make restitution: make things right by apology or whatever action best suits the perceived transgression. These steps enable us to have full positive regard for ourselves. And, if the perceived transgression was in behavior toward ourselves? For that too we can apology and make right. If we have been over eating or over spending, we can apology to our body selves and change our habits to support our health. Let us choose to make things right with ourselves: in our thoughts, words, beliefs and actions.
A reader reminded me that the person who is most difficult and the person who is most important to forgive is oneself. Yes. In order to have proper self regard, we need to forgive ourselves for any and all shortcomings and perceived transgressions. Of course, there is also the step of making things right -- when possible and appropriate. If possible and in the best interest of the person we may have harmed, we need to make restitution: make things right by apology or whatever action best suits the perceived transgression. These steps enable us to have full positive regard for ourselves. And, if the perceived transgression was in behavior toward ourselves? For that too we can apology and make right. If we have been over eating or over spending, we can apology to our body selves and change our habits to support our health. Let us choose to make things right with ourselves: in our thoughts, words, beliefs and actions.
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