Taming Our Minds

"The mind is a spider that, if allowed, will tangle everything and then blame the things it clings to for the web it wants to be free of."  Mark Nepo

How true.  Our minds are a wonderful instrument, a computer that is capable of many calculations, reasonings, thoughts; but it is also capable of entangling us.  All of us have been "lost in thought", and I have come to realize that it really is being lost.  The present, what is before us, is not available to us when we are captured by our thoughts.  Researchers say that 90% of our thoughts are redundant and negative.  Is that any way to live?  Let us, instead, take hold of our thoughts, choose positive ones, and be present to our lives.  

Recognizing Our Weaknesses

"Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable."
Melody Beattie

Happy Spring!  For much of the northern hemisphere, having spring arrive is very welcome this year, as it has been a rough winter.  Just like the seasons, we must experience and honor all feelings to have more access to the better-feeling feelings.  In the above quote, Melody Beattie says we will find our strength and it will grow, when we allow ourselves to feel scared, weak and vulnerable.  That is true of all feelings.  We experience more joy when we allow ourselves to feel deep sadness.  We cannot have one end of the continuum of emotions, without honoring and experiencing the other end of the continuum.  What this can mean for caregivers, and all humans, is to allow ourselves to feel weak and scared in front of the devastating disease that has our loved one in its grips.  In doing this, we will find the strength to continue.

Caregiving Can Be An Addiction

"I have been learning that the life of a caretaker is as addictive as the life of an alcoholic.  At the heart of this is the ever-present worry that unless doing something for another there is no possibility of being loved." Mark Nepo

This is a pitfall I think all of us who are caregivers must avoid.  It is easy to get our identity, our sense of purpose from caregiving.  It is easy to feel a sense of purpose, and even a feeling of being loved for all we do.  That is a very dangerous place to tread.  All of us who are caregivers need to avoid doing it to feel loved.  Yes, life has given us the task of caregiving, but, perhaps, it is to find out how to be true to ourselves - rather then be devoured by the tasks involved.  To be loved for who we are is the ultimate goal.  Caregiving is simply a task, one of many we have.  

Self Care

You don’t have to buy into society’s false concepts of fading away and failing health as you get older. You can live vibrantly and radiantly no matter your chronological age. When you have the right information and guidance, youthful living can be yours and you can continue to thrive and create!" Dr. Christiane Northrup

I have been listening to Dr. Northrup's free videos the past week.  There are four of them one can access directly through the internet.  Dr. Christiane Northrup (system-northrup@email-hayhouse.com).  Well worth listening to, in my opinion.  She gives specific tips on being healthy and vibrant and for how not to buy into culture's version of aging.  They are called Ageless Goddess, but there is information for both men and women.  As caregivers, we need to find ways to support our own health and well being.  

 

Purposeful Action

"Purposeful action is knowing what we want, and then doing what makes us happy to get there." Rev. Dr. Judy Morley

We hear from other sources that it is important to know what we want.  Sometimes I know what I want by experiencing what I do not want -- like being with people who talk too much and do not listen, or being in a situation in which things are being done without efficiency, or being with people who focus on the negative.  All of this is helpful because it helps me know what I do want:  people who are skilled at balanced and positive conversation, being in situations that are running smoothly and efficiently, being where everyone is treated with respect.  Sunday I gave a talk on love.  The Course in Miracles says that there is only love or fear.  So, I can know if I am not experiencing enough love, I must be entertaining fear -- and I can stop entertaining it and return to love.  Then I can take the action because I will know what I want, and I can step toward it doing what makes me happy to get there.  If you are of Celtic heritage, and even if you are not, Happy St. Patrick's Day.  I hope you do something today that makes you smile.

Creating Love in Ourselves

Caregiving can bring out a capacity for us to love beyond what we have previously.  How many of you have previously helped someone in and out of a wheelchair?  I did have that experience when I worked with children with disabilities, but, it took 5 of us to safely get my loved one out of his wheelchair and into the dentist chair -- I was not used to an adult who is now unable to help or stand or move his own body.  Such a risk of him falling, or one of us getting hurt!  It is in facing situations like that that our own love capacity is grown -- toward ourselves and others.  We can become better people by being caregivers.   It is a matter of choice. 

Light a Candle

"Instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle." Mark Twain

How many times have we, as humans, cursed something, instead of seeking answers?  Perhaps we curse the dementia, or whatever has taken over our loved one and our lives.  Perhaps we curse the financial circumstances that care for our loved one has created.  Perhaps we curse the fact that we do not really have freedom -- with the constriction that caregiving places on us.  Better, it is, to seek answers, light the candle - so to speak.  If we feel constricted, find ways to be more free.  Rather than complain about caregiving, look for the goodness within it.  Rather than hate the illness your loved one has, consider it might be the perfect life plan for him or her. Rather than hate caregiving, consider what qualities the responsibility is bringing out in you.   Light the candle.