Signs of Spring

s man has every season while a woman only has the right to spring.
Jane Fonda

Out of context, I am not sure what Jane Fonda means, although having read her autobiography, she seems to have experienced that men have rights that women strive for.  Certainly, that seems to be the pattern of modern society.  We sometimes read that it was not always so.  The Lakota and other indigenous peoples are said to have been matriarchal societies.  It seems that a balance, both interior to the individual and exterior to society, might be the answer.  But, to spring.  Walking on the trail through the woods that I so love, I saw my first-of-this-season hatched robin's egg.  Such an exquisite blue.  And, instead of the mother bird sitting on the nest in the wreath on my front wall, there are downy heads to be seen.  Spring arrived some time ago for those of you in lower elevations and latitudes, but spring seems to have even arrived up here.  So, as caregivers, let us enjoy the spring.  Let this spring be a new season of renewal for us as caregivers.  What can you do today to refresh yourself?  Please do it.

Protecting our Freedom

"It is possible to fly without motors, but not without knowledge and skill."  Wilbur Wright
While writing in this blog, a B1-B Lancer flew overhead.  Sometimes we are in their flight pattern as they take off or land at a nearby Air Force Base.  With Memorial Day just past, I went to the deck to watch the low-flying airplane and to give thanks.  Thanks to all those who have served and/or given their lives for the freedom of us all.  Thank you.  Some have sacrificed so much for the rest of us.  As I enjoy the freedoms afforded me by the forefathers and mothers of this country and by the men and women who have actively served to protect these freedoms, I want to thank each of you on behalf of us all.  It is often only when I visit a distant country which has less freedom than ours, that I pause to give thanks.  Freedom is an inherent right for every human.  For those of us who are caregivers for someone with dementia, we must stand firm to protect our own freedom, while also advocating for the balance of freedom and safety for the person with dementia.  I don't believe that it is a conscious action, but it is my experience that the person with dementia will --- without intention, take away every bit of the freedom of the caregiver.  As we have people who serve to protect our rights and freedoms as a nation, we - as caregivers - must be vigilant to protect our own freedom.

Physical therapy

"Maybe that's why I want to touch people so often --- it's only another way of talking." Georgia O'Keefe

Physical therapy involves touching people.  I have taken Dwane to see the physical therapist for the last several weeks:  to help with his stooping posture, to help him get out of bed independently, to help him get out of chairs on his own, and to do exercises which relief his back pain (caused by deteriorating lower discs for which he has had 3 surgeries).  Justin, the PT, is a delightful young man who believes that he can help Dwane a lot.  I hope so.  My observations are that it is harder and harder for Dwane to get out of chairs and to walk truly upright.  It will be wonderful if the physical therapy does help him remain active and independent.

What are we seeking?

"You are that which you are seeking," St. Francis

Could that really be true?  So many of us humans think that we are seeking the other perfect complement to ourselves: our mate, our partner.  And, life may very well be nicer if that person is in our life, but  . . . . what if what we are really seeking is communion with ourselves?  We can notice those around us who keep themselves so busy or numbed by addictions that it would not be possible to reach communion with themselves.  And, our culture teaches us that we are not complete within ourselves; that we should be forever seeking the 'perfect' mate.  It would seem true that we cannot be happy with anyone else, until we are happy with ourselves.  I know a man who as a child filled in the blank in a classroom survey asking, who is your best friend:   He wrote in:  myself.  Perhaps this child knew more than many of us as adults know about who we most need to be able to count upon.  In what ways are you your own best friend?

Trust

"We don't let go into trust until we've exhausted our egos." Rob Lehman

Trust.  In my psychological practice, as well as when I do life coaching, clients often present with trust issues.  Who among us in the human race does not have trust issues?  After all, we were all raised by fallible and imperfect parents who did not always meet every possible need we had.  In reaction to those unmet needs, we sometimes bolster our egos, which is exactly the wrong thing to do.  We need, instead, to quiet our egos in order for trust to find a foothold in our souls.  Ego does not want us to do that, because then ego is dethroned; but, if we are to become fully developed human beings, ego must be sacrificed.  For trust to flourish, we must be willing to extinguish ego.

Eating utensils

"Throughout all the ten regions of the Universe, there is no place where the Source is not." Hakuin

Comforting thought.  When I spend the day with Dwane and he is filled with litanies of complaints, I remember that Source or God or Higher Power is there -- in that facility -- too.  The OT (occupational therapist) I made the appointment with and drove Dwane to had a good suggestion about eating utensils.  Perhaps readers of this blog will already know about weighted handles on eating utensils.  It helps someone with the tremors of Lewy Bodies Dementia have better control in getting the food off the plate and into the mouth.  I thought I would have to buy them online, but we stopped at the home health equipment store to get Dwane some bigger compression socks (his feet and ankles continue to swell with fluid), and lo and behold, they had the utensils.  And, less expensive that the list the OT had given me for online purchase.  When eating lunch with Dwane recently, I noticed that he and a woman at our table had a lot of trouble getting food onto their spoon or fork, and then getting that food into their mouth.  I am hoping these weighted handled fork and spoon will help.

Sacrifice

"the working definition of sacrifice -- giving up with reverence and compassion what no longer works in order to stay close to what is sacred." Mark Nepo

It seems that a number of times in my life I have been called to give up what is familiar in order to stay true to my spiritual path.  That even applies, I think, to caregiving.  I did it well, and with dedication and love for five years, and I am done.  I have given it up.  I have sacrificed it with reverence and compassion in order to stay true to my own path; and I know, that if I did not sacrifice the role of caregiving, I would sacrifice my entire self.

That does not mean I do not still advocate for and see Dwane, even when all he does is complain:  about the food, about the noise of the staff, about the problematic other resident, about his furniture that he wants to still use, about not putting flowers on a grave on Memorial Day, about not being able to see as well as he would like, about "this place".  I, too, am sorry our lives have come to this point, BUT I can no longer smooth the way for him.  He has to adjust to his new living situation.  Or not.  That is his choice.  But, my choice is to follow my own path, and to do so, I sacrifice the role of caregiving -- in the symbolic sense.