Releasing the Need to Control

1. 

   "Challenging situations can spur drama that diverts my attention.  The tension in my body may restrict the flow of ideas to my brain and love to my heart." Unity
   
   

   We encounter many stressful situations in life, and, certainly, caregiving is one of the greatest.  But, even happy occasions can be stressful.  Think of the stress of weddings.  The key is to remain calm.  I love the quote from the Peanuts column from Lucy, I think, "You are straining my equanimity."  Life and other people can strain our equanimity.  Our task, for our own health and well being, is to remain calm.  We can do this by managing our thoughts toward positive ones, meditating, prayer, practicing gratitude, walks in nature --- any and all things that return us to calmness and the place where we can listen to the guidance available to us all.  

   
   

Honoring Your Creativity

"There is one thing stronger than all the armies of the world, and that is an idea whose time has come." Victor Hugo

We each have good ideas - especially when we are in touch with our center, with the Source of the benevolent energy in the world, but it is truly special to have an idea whose time has come.  Perhaps not all of us will have such ideas, but we certainly are capable of having them.  We might think those ideas come only to notable people of whom we have heard, such as Mother Teresa and her idea of ministering to the poorest of the poor in Calcutta, Nelson Mandela and his idea to seek working together over revenge, Martin Luther King, Jr. who "had a dream" of equality for all, Oprah who had an idea that people would respond to "ah-ha" moments.  We are none of these people, and, yet, we can have ideas whose time has come.  What might your idea be?

Benefit of Errors

"Learning something new? Go ahead and screw up a few times.  Your brain's motor-control center, the cerebellum, has a coaching mechanism that automatically and unconsciously logs - and then learns from - errors, speeding you toward better proficiency." Science magazine

If you, like I did, grew up with some beliefs that one had to be perfect, that mistakes were to be avoided -- even if it meant not trying for something wanted, then this research will be good news for you too.  Mistakes are not only part of being human; we are hardwired to benefit from them.  And, we should have known that all along -- after all, haven't we all watched toddlers learn to walk?  They stumble, they fall, they get up, and they try again.  Let that be true for us too.  Let us try, perhaps fail, get up and try again.  Our brains are hardwired to help us out with doing it right.

Another Use of Honey

"Honey appears to be better for healing canker sores than common drugstore remedies, clearing symptoms in half the time." prevention.com

Just wet a sterile cotton ball and wipe the inflamed area clean, and then put on a swipe of honey.  It appears that the antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory components appear to be the reason for its effectiveness.  Honey is also excellent for healing minor burns, relieving a cough better than popular OTC meds, and when paired with an antibiotic, it even offers hope against MRSA.  The only caution, never give honey to a child under two years of age.  

Caring for Yourself as Caregiver

"The stress, the strain, the gravity of the task of caregiving can level you, but it can be done with compassion and grace and can be a moving and cathartic experience." Jane Gross

As we are in the midst of the traditional holiday season with its stress, let us be particularly careful to monitor our own health, which can be so significantly impacted by caregiving.  Eating right, getting exercise every day, good sleep habits, prayer or meditation to help us be centered in the truth of who we are, having friendships that are supportive and meaningful, and doing things that are fun for us are all so important.  These ways to maintain our health are always important, but even more so during the holiday season.  

Lonely Road

"If you don't like your world, change the thoughts and feelings that are creating it." Jack Boland

Advice we might read over and over in various places, and not so easy to do as the primary, and - often - only caregiver for someone with a terminal illness.  Let's be honest -- it can be lonely, but we can also think of the many people in our lives who support us.  I am not free to attend a holiday function at the nursing home, but my daughter and her family are going in my place.  I am so grateful that she was willing to step in and go.  I am so grateful for the support.  As caregivers, we must accept that we cannot do it all -- without it killing us, and probably not even then.  Where does your support come from?  

Considering What We Believe

"The quantum field must take the form of whatever we believe, just as water takes the shape of its container." Ellen Debenport

Research indicates that most of our behavior is controlled by beliefs of which we are unaware and which do not serve us.  As very young children, we download into our unconscious beliefs from statements and implications from those around us.  Sometimes being with extended family is a gift to better understand what those beliefs might be.  I remember such an occasion once when my father said of one of my siblings when she and her husband used an inheritance to build a new house, "Who does she think she is?!"  I realized then and there that unworthiness for success was something my father had downloaded from his environment, and, of course, then so had I.  Once aware of these beliefs, we can change them.