Relaxation Helps Our Brains

"People whose brains disengage during relaxation have been shown to be more attentive when doing tasks." Mary Helen Immordino-Yang, EdD, U of Southern California

It is said that Einstein could take short catnaps and be completely refreshed by them.  Twenty minutes of relaxation has been equated to eight hours of sleep -- in its capacity to rejuvenate us.  Taking time for reflection and daydreaming can increase our learning and memory skills.  Working too hard and too long can be a distraction to our overall success -- if it fatigues us and causes burnout.  As a caregiver, how do you find time to relax and daydream?  Tasks abound, the care receiver needs and wants attention, tax season is approaching in the U.S.  So many things to do, and so little time.  But, research and wisdom tells us that we are better for having time every day for relaxation:  a time for our minds to be unengaged, unencumbered with tasks, free from worry and stress.  Today, let us find 20 minutes to be still, to allow our minds to be at peace.  We will be the better for it. 

Knowing What You Want

"Whenever you know what you do not want, you always know more clearly what you do want, so in a poignant moment of awareness of another person's undesirable situation, give your undivided attention to the idea of improvement that has hatched from your interaction/observation. And as you learn to do that, not only will you be of increasing value to others, but you will see how your relationships with others adds immeasurably to your own becoming." --- Abraham

I have heard many times a person say, "I don't know what I want."  It seems that perhaps women especially are cultured out of knowing what they want.  We learn to believe that what we want is beyond our reach, so we settle for less -- until we no longer remember what it was that we did want.  The above quote suggests an easy way to find again what we want; by noticing what we don't want.  We can notice what we don't want in our own circumstances or in the lives of others, and we can redefine this experience.  We can begin to see that experiencing what we don't want can be a gift by helping us to remember and define what we do want.  A recent example I had was a frustrating time I had ordering something I wanted from a website.  That experience helps me to remember that what I want is ease, simplicity, flow.  Any experience we have or see that we do not want helps us to know and define what we do want. 

Taking Action

"You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know.  Knowing is not enough!  You must take action." Anthony Robbins

Therapists probably agree that few people take action.  Many people talk about their issues - will even talk about what they could do about their issues -- but it is a small percentage of people who actually take action.  First, people need to see there is a need or have a desire for change, they need to prepare for that change, and then they need to take action:  the hardest step for most.  The reason so many people do not take action is the natural fear and resistance to change, but change is inevitable -- so we can either be part of deciding what the changes will be, or we can be victims of change happening to us.  It does not mean that we have control over all the aspects of the change by choosing the change and taking action, but we certainly have more control by choosing what we want the change to look like than if we are not active in the decisions and actions concerning the change.  Consider a small change you would like to see in your life, a common one is to get more exercise, so let's take that as an example.  Do you want to change?  How can you prepare for the change?  Some examples are to talk to someone who is already doing what you want to do, check into places you could exercise, ask someone to exercise with you --- those are examples of how you can prepare.  Then take action.  Start today.  Decide you will exercise 15 minutes today by walking -- the walking can even be in your own home.  Now do it!  That is taking action. 

Let's Keep Moving

"Those people who stay seated for most of the day are 54% more likely to die of heart attacks, even if they met standard benchmarks for moderate to vigorous exercise.  The recommendation is for standing and stretching at least every 15 minutes  Formal exercise is great for the heart, but sitting should be viewed as an independent risk factor." Biomedical Research Center in Baton Rouge. 

As I get older, I realize I am sitting more.  One of the things I miss the most about my younger ages was abundant energy.  I exercise every day, but I find I sit most of the evening and read.  Fortunately, I cannot sit long without getting up to do something; and from reading this study, it is good that my body calls me to move.  So, it is not enough to exercise every day; now we have to keep moving at other times of the day too.  If I am watching television, which I seldom do, I use commercials to get up, walk around, get a glass of water.  If I am reading, which is more often the case, I get up often to walk around and perform some household task. 

Over the weekend I was sitting at my computer when I heard big booms.  I remembered the fireworks display in a nearby town to celebrate a winter festival.  I walked out onto my deck to enjoy the fireworks, and I was treated to the most exquisite sky.  Clear, bright -- a black dome filled with stars.  Just lovely.  In this way I was able to get movement and enjoyment.  Who knows what we might be missing by sitting?!

Social Isolation

"People who are socially isolated -- defined as having fewer than three close confidants, not participating in community groups or clubs, and having no religious affiliation -- were 2 1/2 times likelier to have elevated C-reactive protein levels than people who routinely sought the company of others.  Social isolation is a chronically stressful experience that may lead to increases in harmful inflammation throughout the body," Social Science & Medicine journal study

Social isolation is a hazard for those of us who are caregivers and for the care receiver.  Dwane sometimes complains of being lonely, but, actually, he has far more built-in social opportunities than I do.  That is an upside for him being in assisted living.  When I was trying to do all the caregiving at home and because he was extremely resistant to anyone coming into the home to relieve me, it was difficult for us to have enough social interaction.  The opportunity for social interaction is there for him now, if he chooses to engage.  For those of us who are caregivers we need to extend ourselves to have social interaction, and that is easier for some people than others.  If you are an extrovert, it is probably easier for you to initiate social interactions, than if you are an introvert.  Regardless of the ease, it is important for all of us to have significant social connections.  Do you have at least three close confidants?  Do you participate in community activities?  Do you have a religious affiliation?  Your health depends on having interaction that is meaningful and supportive.  You can join or create a walking group, book club, church group, or volunteer in an uplifting environment.  Let's be certain to create social connections that support us.

Adhere to Our Purpose

"Adhere to your purpose and you will soon feel as well as you ever did.  On the contrary, if you falter, and give up, you will lose the power of keeping any resolution, and will regret it all your life." Abraham Lincoln

This was advise Lincoln was writing to a nephew at West Point, but it plays well for caregivers as well.  What is your purpose in this caregiving task?  It is important for us to consider this. A friend reminded me that I had said my purpose in caregiving was to not lose myself or my health in the process.  What a good reminder.  It seems that a common characteristic of persons with dementia is to be so self focused that they are not able to see what effect the caregiving might have on the caregiver.  Because of their inability to see its impact on us, it is imperative that we see it for ourselves.  See it and make sure that the toll is not too great.  How great the toll can be probably differs for each of us, and I hope we can be free of judgment toward other caregivers who have a different level of tolerance for stress than we do.  Another characteristic of people with dementia seems to be an unwillingness to recognize the extent of their need for assistance and to accept that the best setting might not be in the home.  Let us often reflect on the purpose of our caregiving to ensure that we are on track.  It is crucial that we not lose ourselves in this task, and it is important to know that about 1/3 of us do, according to the Roslyn Carter Institute.  A reminder of those statistics:  1/3 of caregivers die doing the caregiving; 1/3 of caregivers have their health badly damaged by caregiving; and 1/3 of caregivers are able to do the caregiving and come out the other end better from doing it.  And, in my opinion, the only way we can come out the other end better by doing the caregiving is to make looking out for our own well being the number one priority.  No one else is going to do that for us; least of all the care receiver. 

Self Comfort

"It's surprising how many persons go through life

without ever recognizing that Their feelings toward other people

are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves,

and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be

comfortable with others."   ~ Sydney J. Harris

 

It has taken me several decades to realize the above statement is true.  Psychologists call it projection -- when we project onto someone else a quality we dislike or do not recognize in ourselves.  Perhaps our life journey is about recognizing and owning all the parts of ourselves so that we do not place them in judgment upon someone else.  In the book, Rise to Greatness, about Abraham Lincoln, the author says that was a remarkable thing about Lincoln:  his comfort with himself and his ability to not take personally someone's actions that were designed to thwart him.  It is unlikely that most of us will have the impact of Lincoln, but we can apply to ourselves what he seems to have developed:   self comfort.  Complete acceptance of and comfort with ourselves.  One way to gauge how we are doing with that is to notice how we talk  to and think about ourselves.  I have heard people call themselves "dummy" when they accidentally dropped something -- that is a habit worth breaking.  Let us be sure to speak gently and with kindness to and about ourselves.  It is very important - for ourselves and for others.