Adhere to Our Purpose

"Adhere to your purpose and you will soon feel as well as you ever did.  On the contrary, if you falter, and give up, you will lose the power of keeping any resolution, and will regret it all your life." Abraham Lincoln

This was advise Lincoln was writing to a nephew at West Point, but it plays well for caregivers as well.  What is your purpose in this caregiving task?  It is important for us to consider this. A friend reminded me that I had said my purpose in caregiving was to not lose myself or my health in the process.  What a good reminder.  It seems that a common characteristic of persons with dementia is to be so self focused that they are not able to see what effect the caregiving might have on the caregiver.  Because of their inability to see its impact on us, it is imperative that we see it for ourselves.  See it and make sure that the toll is not too great.  How great the toll can be probably differs for each of us, and I hope we can be free of judgment toward other caregivers who have a different level of tolerance for stress than we do.  Another characteristic of people with dementia seems to be an unwillingness to recognize the extent of their need for assistance and to accept that the best setting might not be in the home.  Let us often reflect on the purpose of our caregiving to ensure that we are on track.  It is crucial that we not lose ourselves in this task, and it is important to know that about 1/3 of us do, according to the Roslyn Carter Institute.  A reminder of those statistics:  1/3 of caregivers die doing the caregiving; 1/3 of caregivers have their health badly damaged by caregiving; and 1/3 of caregivers are able to do the caregiving and come out the other end better from doing it.  And, in my opinion, the only way we can come out the other end better by doing the caregiving is to make looking out for our own well being the number one priority.  No one else is going to do that for us; least of all the care receiver.