Finding Our Soul

"Without knowing it, we, like Jung, work hard at cutting a path to our deeper self that waits patiently for us to arrive, all tired, aching, and out of breath.  Once that path is cleared and once the being at our center is discovered, we can return to the world in relationship with our soul." Mark Nepo

In the above quote, Nepo is referring to a dream Carl Jung, Psychiatrist, had where he was cutting a path through deep woods, came upon a cabin in which a man was praying, and found that it was he, himself, who was the man praying.  We, as humans, do spend a lot of time working in the outside world -- trying to fix things, involving ourselves in schemes in an attempt to achieve a reward, projecting parts of ourselves onto others:  when, perhaps, real life is the work of finding and befriending our own souls.  There are many who believe that within each of us there is a potential, or a soul, or some would say a source of divinity; and that our real work in life is to cooperate in the birthing and development of that part of ourselves.  Within this context, the outer world where we spend so much time working and navigating, is not even real -- but a dream.  It is the inner work that is real.  Whether or not you believe this, we can all benefit from developing ourselves to our fullest potential, and for me, that is the spiritual journey. 

Long Term Care

"Eventually, most people who have Alzheimer's need outside care. Evaluate your loved one's future needs, preferably before a crisis arises."  Mayo Clinic Staff

The latest Mayo Clinic Alzheimer's newsletter outlines the levels of care for someone with dementia.  While we are able to keep the person with dementia in the home there can be respite care, adult day care and in-home health services.  For my care receiver, all three of these were tried and he refused all three.  That leaves assisted living, dementia care facilities and nursing homes.  The team at assisted living have said that the next necessary step for Dwane would be nursing home, but we are not there yet.  The assisted living is working very well, except when he sometimes has a behavioral meltdown -- but my position is that is what the staff have been trained to handle -- or at least that is what we who are paying for the services should be able to expect.   With Lewy Bodies Dementia it seems there is not only significant fluctuations in lucidity, but also in attitude and behavior.  What seems to work best for me is to be calm and to repeat what he and I have agreed upon; as he seems to forget it.  What works for you?

Commitments

"Winners in life keep their commitments through the tough times as well as the good times.  I am a winner." Jack Boland

Those of us who are caregivers have probably made a commitment to support the care receiver during this period with dementia.  The form of our commitment may change, but most of us will stay committed; and - if Jack Boland is correct, that is the right thing to do.  Yesterday I took Dwane to a play he wanted to see and out for dinner after.  It was a pleasant outing, and he seemed to enjoy it.  My commitment to caregiving now involves going to see him and taking him to appointments and fun outings.  It is prudent for us as caregivers to ongoingly evaluate our commitments to make sure they are still right for us; and sometimes we need to make some space in our lives just to have the energy to see if the commitments are still right.  Is your level and form of commitment still right for you?

Driving Safely

"Statistics show that older drivers are more likely than younger ones to be involved in multi-vehicle crashes, particularly at intersections." smartmotorist.com

Statistics do show that as we age our driving skills decline.  Even before his diagnosis with dementia, my spouse had several accidents in the last decade; and, yet, remarkably, he still believes that he should be able to drive.  Having dementia is one preclusion for driving, but even getting older - without cognitive disabilities - puts us at risk.  I was listening to Click and Clack, the program on NPR about cars, mechanics and driving.  They told of the way one should set one's side rear view mirrors in order to prevent blind spots.  Instead of the usual way of sitting upright behind the wheel and setting the rear view mirrors to catch just the back end of the car, they said one should lean their head on to the left side window and from that position to set the left mirror so that just the end of the back of the car shows.  In this position, one can see into the blind spot on the left side.  For the right mirror, one does the same thing by leaning to the right.  I have tried this and it really works.  The minute a vehicle - which is passing you - disappears from the main rear view mirror, it pops up on the side rear view mirror.  It is quite remarkable.  I suggest you try it.   We who are older drivers benefit from implementing ways that can help us drive safely.

Enjoy Life!

"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it." Rita Mae Brown

What wisdom!  Is it possible that it is not the degrees one accumulates behind one's name, or the level of professional attainment or money one makes in the world, or the contribution in art, or the amount of volunteering we do - is it possible that it is not these things that are most important?!  What if the basic reason for being alive is to enjoy life?!  Would that change the way you live?  Would you do less, obligate yourself less, free up some time for the things that enrich you?  I have found in recent times that I am vigilant about not obligating too much of my time.  While I still take on work and volunteering that I find appealing, I am very, very careful to save time for what are priorities for me.  Those priorities are:  fun, connecting times with those I love, practices of good health, body movement in some form of exercise, times to connect spiritually, and time to dream and be inspired.  Is your life in the good balance that you desire and deserve? 

How We Spend Our Time

"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is a nobler art of leaving things undone." Lin Yutang

As someone overly oriented to achievement, the idea expressed in the above quote has always puzzled me.  Just as the story in the New Testament of Mary and Martha, where Martha is doing tasks of hospitality and Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus, puzzles me.  Why did Jesus admonish Martha and praise Mary?  In life I am more likely to be Martha, busy with tasks.  There must be some safety for me in taking on tasks.  At least in the performing of tasks I can see progress occurring.  That is not to say that I cannot be idle, especially when immersed in meaningful conversation or in prayer or meditation.  Perhaps the answer is to not allow tasks to take over our lives, but to leave room for spaciousness.  Because it is in that spaciousness that we can hear the voice of God.  If focused too much on tasks, there remains no room for inspiration.  I have read that Einstein took very brief cat naps thoughout the day, and that it is from his dreams that he gleaned much of his ideas and inventions. 

In our daily lives, let us keep an eye on our ability to retain balance in this dance of doing and not doing.

Dark Before the Dawn

"It's true that it's darkest before the dawn, but we have countless candles to brighten our night."  Amy E. Dean in Night Light

There are many periods in caregiving for someone with dementia that are very dark periods.  For me one of the most difficult aspects is his dissatisfaction with what is now our reality.  He has dementia, experts have said he needs more assistance than can be provided at home (even typical assisted living centers evaluated and said his needs were too great for them to serve), and the reality is living in a facility that addresses more advanced needs.  Dark, too, is the prognosis of what we are dealing with.  It can literally only go downhill from where we are; the only thing to be determined is at what speed is the downhill slide.  But - within that darkness -- there are candles of light.  My daughter is one of the brightest and most supportive lights in my life, and I have other people who love and support me.  I am grateful for each and every one of those persons who brighten this path that now lies before me.  You, the readers of this blog, also are candles of light for me -- as we support each other unconditionally in the struggles of life.  Thank you.  To each of you I am so grateful.