"Making a left turn can be especially troublesome. With every year after age 65, the odds of getting into a car crash while attempting to go left increases by 8 percent. With limited mobility to look in both directions, it becomes more difficult to gauge speed, distance and timing, especially when there's oncoming traffic." ABC Nightly News with Diane Sawyer about elders driving.
Continuing their feature of the plight of families dealing with the elderly, ABC News addresses driving. The above statistics are sobering, and they apply to normal aging -- not those with dementia. The tip offered during the segment was for family to have the talk well in advance about giving up driving when the family thought it was necessary. I some how had the wisdom to have that discussion with Dwane when we learned of his diagnosis, but that has not made it easier for him to relinquish things he wants to do: particularly driving. I would love to have ideas from readers on what has worked for them when it is necessary to take away some symbol of independence, especially driving, to those for whom we are caregivers. Taking care of all responsibilities is difficult enough, but then we have the resistance of the person we are trying to help, which is even more difficult for some of us.
Hmmm, I had to chew on this one a little while as it dredged up sad and painful memories.
ReplyDeleteI originally took over the driving for Hubby before we ever had a diagnosis. He did realize he had a problem at some point, driving less and less and staying closer to home. Not staying away as long either.
After diagnosis he was still reluctant to give up his independence. Even when he lost his keys and called me. Once I arrived on the scene we searched and searched. I patted him down and found his keys in his pocket.
When I reached a 'talking isn't working' point I ask for a driving evaluation test through his Neurologist.
I compromised with Hubby in stating that if the test proved he was capable of driving, I would not object. This way I removed some of the anger directed towards me about the driving or not driving.
I knew at that point Hubby would not be able to pass and somewhere in his mind I am sure that Hubby realized that too. That may have been the reason he asked me to cancel it.
This discussion is more difficult to have with a person with dementia I believe. At first their thoughts are agreeable but as dementia takes it's toll on their reasoning it becomes more difficult for them to see when the time to stop driving has arrived.
Even to this day, though Hubby has the inability to walk across the floor safely on most days he still thinks he has the ability to drive.
At some point the Neurologist told him he should not be driving and at another I had to actually involve the police to prevent it.
He was so angry at me for taking away this independence. Sometimes he still is.
Hubby hadn't driven in a couple of years and perhaps the one thing that was our God send was that Hubby's license expired. I never reminded Hubby to renew after the reminder arrived in the mail. He did see it but I never mentioned it again. Many months after the lapse he mentioned it. I told him he would need to take the driving evaluation test to get them renewed.
He never asked me to schedule it and at this point I never will, but as mentioned earlier, he still thinks he has the ability to drive.
Dementia is very cruel
Kathy, thank you for taking the time to post your thoughts. Very helpful. And just hearing from someone else how difficult it is, is helpful too. Thank you.
ReplyDelete