Avoid Arguing

Many years ago I took a class from someone who was trained as an expert in working with people who are aging.  The teacher said that when a person says something incorrect, that the listener should reflect reality back to them by correcting them.  I have seen this countless times between people.  The person with diminished cognitive capacity says something, and the other person corrects them – to the point of arguing.  I feel strongly that this is the wrong approach.  Not only is it disrespectful, it is pointless.  A case in point.  Recently Dwane told me a long story about how the staff in the assisted living facility was working him long hours, 30 hour days, with no food.  It would have been pointless, in my opinion, to try to convince him that this was not reality, so I responded with a truth that was within his topic matter and said, “You have always worked so hard all your life.”  Now, you may think I missed the point and that maybe he is being mistreated in the facility, but I am quite certain he was expressing an adjusted reality.  He complains a lot about some of the staff, and there is some truth to those complaints. I listen to those complaints and help him stand up for himself.  I also talk with the staff and tell them I want him treated at all times with kindness and respect.  I am there often enough that I see that one staff member can be impatient, but I think the basis of Dwane’s complaint is his frustration that they are not letting him wear his blue jeans any longer because he is now wearing adaptive clothing.   His life situation is not what he would prefer, but, then again, neither is mine.