Aug 20, 2009


Two people have said to me recently that they did not know Dwane's decline was as much as it is. That has caused me to wonder if I am in denial or not forthcoming, and I don't think so. A spiritual reading this morning said, "Whenever things go monstrously wrong, the first casualty is always hope." I think that is true. I see clearly what we are dealing with; I know it is progressive and noncurable (at this point medically); and I consciously choose not to think about or talk about it very much. Because I need hope, and because I believe that what I focus on is what will increase and/or be consuming. I want to focus on what is good in our lives, and that is plentifold. I think it is a fine line for both Dwane and me to acknowledge his diagnosis with candidness, while focusing on what is right and good and positive.


  1. I love you, Judith!

  2. Judy,

    I think you are doing such a great job. I hope knowing that brings you some comfort.

    Sunday, I thought of you many times as I curled up with my latest "More" magazine. I read two articles, one was on "Hope", and the other was on "Married with Illness, honoring in sickness and health." The article told the stories of the adjustments couples go through;talking even when it seems hurtful, adjusting expectations, stop trying to be practical, reset priorites, search for help,rediscover your friendship, the most successful couples constantly try to stay connected by communicating even when it is painful. I think I heard all of these topics from you first. The article on Hope was interesting because they define hope in an unusual way. It is for a study, so it has to be measured, and they separate it from optimism. In their definition hope includes two components; pathways and agency. Pathways thinking reflects your ability to come up with lots of different ways to get what you want in the future. Agency is the amount of energy, will, or motivation brought to using those routes. The article left me thinking your definition may hold more of a spiritual component.


  3. If my faith and integrity are tested to uphold the "for richer for poorer, and in sickness or in health" I hope I will remember that it is possible to be gracious and loving even when it's difficult.