Grieving continued

"Most people respond to loss with resilience, which is often mischaracterized as pathological or delayed grief," Ruth Davis Konigsberg.

The research cited by Ms. Konigsberg also debunks the myth that grief is harder on women than on men, that if we don't express it we will be repressing it, that we never get over the loss and that one needs counseling to deal with grief. All good news for those of us experiencing the loss of the person we knew as dementia caregivers. Things that do help one deal with loss include having enough money, having social support, and having minimal sources of other stress. Being a mental health professional I was somewhat surprised that research from the University of Memphis "found no evidence that counseling helped most bereaved individuals any more than the simple passage of time." Ms. Konigsberg's findings seem to indicate that in order to deal with the grief process, the best known aid comes from the passage of time. "The worst of grief is usually over within about six months."

For us as dementia caregivers it is not as simple as that. We will be grieving the loss of the essence of the person we love while we provide care; then we will deal with the actual death of the person. A much longer prospect. Still, it is comforting to know that the passage of time is assisting us to deal with the loss of the person, the relationship, the aspects of who that person was to us.