Our Beliefs

"Every decision we make every day of our lives springs from our beliefs, known or unknown." Melodie Bellagio

In recent years I have noticed that some of my unknown beliefs were the basis of decisions I have made.  I have always been a very hard worker, and this stems from an unknown belief passed to me by ancestors that one had to work hard in life.  But, what if that is not true?  This belief of 'having to work hard' also got in my way as a caregiver.  I did too much, took care of too many things, tried too hard to smooth the path for Dwane.  In work situations I have produced more work than my peers, and sometimes this led to resentments from them.  I have come to a point where I wonder:  is hard work necessary or even desirable?!  I'm not sure it is.  I now know that a balance of fun and work is what is preferable in life; and, if this unknown belief was dictating my decisions, how many others are there?  Reflection and openness will reveal those.  So, what does this have to do with caregiving for someone with dementia?  I notice that even now with Dwane in assisted living I need and want to resist the urge to make all things smooth for him.  His complaints are myriad:  bed too soft, bed too small, staff too hurried, breakfast too small, nothing to do.  It does not serve him for me to advocate each and every issue for him.  I will choose to discern what is important among his complaints and help resolve those; the rest are a part of his journey to handle.  Caregivers, let us not wear ourselves out trying to remediate every little thing in the care receiver's life.  It does not serve them or us.