Courage

"Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." John Wayne

What a charming way to write a commonly quoted aspect:  that courage is doing what we fear, in spite of our fear.  In caregiving, as in other aspects of life, we may be called to do that which we fear.  Oddly, I feared putting Dwane into assisted living.  Although the caregiving was damaging my own health, I feared his reaction and that of his family.  I knew he preferred to be at home, as many people do; but, when we drove home from Mayo Clinic digesting the information about his diagnosis of Lewy Bodies Dementia, we agreed that he would remain home as long as it was feasible for me.  It had gotten to the point where it was no longer feasible for me.  Not out of selfishness, but out of self love and concern for his well being and safety, was the decision made.  It is not easy still, as we go through periods where he is very content there, and then periods where he wants to come home, sees no reason he cannot come home.  He seems legitimately unable to see the extent of the assistance he needs.  So, I need to see that for him.  At this point in life I choose to have the courage to choose life for me and safety for him.