"I find that the only problems I am unable to solve are the ones I keep holding onto." Bob Luckin
There is truth in the above statement; as well as the idea that we cannot solve a problem with the same mindset in which the problem was created. An example is my trying to solve Dwane's periodic dissatisfaction with living in assisted living. One day I will go over to see him and he is angry, demanding a vehicle to drive and wanting to come home. Another day when I see him he is pleasant, amenable, fun to be with. This is perhaps due to the severe fluctuations in lucidity that accompany Lewy Bodies Dementia, but -- even knowing this, it is hard for me. I find my fingers are white knuckled on the steering wheel driving to see him, because I never know how he will be. Perhaps the answer for me is in the above quotation. I need to let go of trying to solve the problem of his periodic dissatisfaction with living in assisted living. I cannot fix his attitude for him. I cannot change the fact he needs supervised living. He sometimes says to me that it is not his fault he has Lewy Bodies Dementia. While that is true, it is equally true that it is not my fault either --- which is what he is seeming to imply.
My choice is to let go of the problem of his recurring dissatifaction, because the only way it is really a problem is that I hate to see him unhappy. But his happiness is his choice, and only he has power over that choice: no matter what the circumstances. I think it is also important for me to realize that there is nothing I can do (neuropsychologist evals, doctor's orders, evidence in his life) that can permanently convince him he needs assisted living. Apparently this periodic dissatisfaction with living in assisted living will be a recurring theme. A theme for him to deal with.
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