Wisdom

"According to the Kabbalah of mystical Judaism, the world was created out of ten emanations, or thought forms, that arose from the Mind of God.  Union with God can be attained by attuning to any one of these emanations.  They include:  beauty, mercy, splendor, wisdom, understanding, victory of the ego, discipline, ethics, nature and the mystical path."  Dr. Joan Borysenko

The path to maturity includes developing these ten qualities, and as caregivers for someone with dementia, we really need to develop them.  As the person with dementia loses his or her decisional capacity, we are called to make decisions on behalf of us both.  Woe to the person with dementia if the caregiver is too immature to consider what is the highest and best outcome for all people involved, especially the care receiver and the caregiver!  It took wisdom and courage to know that we were at the point of needing far more assistance, and for me to discern that the best assistance for us would be assisted living.  This decision is different for every person, and is highly relative to what one can do in the home environment and how much of one's time one wants to devote to the care and safety of another person.  Please; let us not judge one another for the choice we make when it comes time for more assistance!  The person with dementia will lose decisional capacity, of that we can be certain.  At that point it is our legal and ethical obligation to make decisions based on the person's best interest, as well as our own.  The person with dementia may very well not agree with the decision, but if the decision is made from wisdom and not selfishness, we can be assured we are making the best decision possible among the options we have.  Something to remember is that once we have the diagnosis of dementia, the options we have begin to diminish.  There is no perfect setting.  No perfect assisted living, no perfect nursing home, no perfect health care format; and - if we are honest - most of us would say that our own living situation is not perfect.  Our aim, then, is to choose the best among the options we do have:  with keeping the highest and best interest of the care receiver in mind, as well as our own well being.