The Erratic Process of Dying

"The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most.  I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with the the sunshine of my prosperity."  Ulysses S. Grant“
We are at a point in this journey with dementia where we get to see the erratic process of dying.  On Friday he refused all food and drink.  On Saturday morning he ate some pudding.  He is mostly nonresponsive, but there are glimmers of lucidity and alertness.
One of the things most difficult for me is the drive here and walking in, not knowing what I will find.  Trepidation.  I am having trouble sleeping.  The visual of seeing his discomfort, even though he is on morphine, takes over when I try to go to sleep.