I want to reiterate the purpose of this blog. It is to be provide support and information to persons who are providing care for someone with dementia. It is written with the express purpose from and for the perspective of the caregiver.
One of the main needs of the caregiver, which serves both the caregiver and the person with the terminal illness, is self care. In a recent JAMA (Journal of the American Medical Association) article it states that we can reduce our own risk for dementia by 35-44% through eating the Mediterranean-style diet and engaging in high physical activity. It is important for us to be at our best to be good to ourselves and to be good caretakers. Exercise that is fun and plant-based diets that include omega-3-rich fish and healthy oils can support the health of our brains and our overall physical health. (JAMA)
Jan 31, 2010
Jan 30, 2010
Correction
I want to make a correction: The agency that has the programs, such as Caregivers, to assist those who have or care for someone who has a disability is in the Department of Social Services. In some states that will have a different name, such as Department of Family Services. It is the Adult Services branch of that department.
Last night thre was the most spectacular full moon, which the weatherman said was called a "wolf moon" because it is the first full moon of the calendar year and Native Americans associated it with howling wolves in the cold of winter. It appears 30% larger than usual and has Mars adjacent to it, for more of a show. If you have clear skiis tonight, you might want to enjoy it.
Last night thre was the most spectacular full moon, which the weatherman said was called a "wolf moon" because it is the first full moon of the calendar year and Native Americans associated it with howling wolves in the cold of winter. It appears 30% larger than usual and has Mars adjacent to it, for more of a show. If you have clear skiis tonight, you might want to enjoy it.
Jan 29, 2010
Electronic books
I bought Dwane a Kindle for Christmas because he has so much difficulty with reading now. He has double vision to the extent that he has to close one eye in order to read at all. We have an appointment with the ophthalmologist, but I will be surprised if this problem is something that can be treated with glasses. My guess is that it is reflective of damage within the brain; not the eyes per se. Hopefully, I am wrong about that. But, the electronic book (and I am not endorsing Kindle; it was just easy for me to order that particular electronic book over the internet) will be wonderful in any case. I did not realize that it provided audio also, so if Dwane cannot read it, he can listen to it being read with a headset. That will be wonderful, as Dwane so loves to read that I want to facilitate those enjoyments for him as long as possible.
Jan 28, 2010
Life
"The true harvest of my life is intangible -- a little star dust caught, a portion of the rainbow I have clutched," Henry David Thoreau.
Like all good writing, the quote above can be interpreted differently by different readers. But, perhaps one meaning is that the essence of life is not the daily routines, schedules, obligations; but those moments of mystery and awe. Sometimes it can feel pointless to be giving care in a terminal illness. Sometimes it seems there must be more important things to do with one's intelligence, energy and trainings. But, perhaps Thoreau is saying that the real essence in life is not dependent upon one's circumstances, but in seeing the wonder. Nature is one way to do this; with another exquisite sunrise this morning. The pine trees softly laden with a new dusting of snow. The birds awakening to a new day.
Several spiritual teachers teach of the wonder that we have life at all, and they advise us to live our lives to the fullest with gratitude. Dr. Joan Borysenko says, "Human life is hard to attain and extremely precious. We must do something of value with the opportunity." Then, perhaps, it is up to us to decide what is of value. Is it being president of a corporation? Serving missions in places like Haiti? Or, is it simply the attitude we have for our life, all lives, regardless of our circumstances?
Like all good writing, the quote above can be interpreted differently by different readers. But, perhaps one meaning is that the essence of life is not the daily routines, schedules, obligations; but those moments of mystery and awe. Sometimes it can feel pointless to be giving care in a terminal illness. Sometimes it seems there must be more important things to do with one's intelligence, energy and trainings. But, perhaps Thoreau is saying that the real essence in life is not dependent upon one's circumstances, but in seeing the wonder. Nature is one way to do this; with another exquisite sunrise this morning. The pine trees softly laden with a new dusting of snow. The birds awakening to a new day.
Several spiritual teachers teach of the wonder that we have life at all, and they advise us to live our lives to the fullest with gratitude. Dr. Joan Borysenko says, "Human life is hard to attain and extremely precious. We must do something of value with the opportunity." Then, perhaps, it is up to us to decide what is of value. Is it being president of a corporation? Serving missions in places like Haiti? Or, is it simply the attitude we have for our life, all lives, regardless of our circumstances?
Jan 27, 2010
What if?
"There's no one in your life who hasn't always loved you," Mike Dooley.
What if that might be true? In Falling Awake workshops, Dave Ellis teaches this practice. When we hear things that might be new and/or alien information for us, instead of rejecting it outright: consider: what if this is true? Would our lives be different if we believed we had always been properly loved? In my psychological practice a lot of the work people seem to need to do is to recover from what they believe was inadequate love from a parent(s). What if instead they considered that "no one in your life hasn't always loved you". Might be an interesting consideration. I try to hold to what I think is true: every person is doing as well as he or she can given their circumstances and their level of consciousness.
What if that might be true? In Falling Awake workshops, Dave Ellis teaches this practice. When we hear things that might be new and/or alien information for us, instead of rejecting it outright: consider: what if this is true? Would our lives be different if we believed we had always been properly loved? In my psychological practice a lot of the work people seem to need to do is to recover from what they believe was inadequate love from a parent(s). What if instead they considered that "no one in your life hasn't always loved you". Might be an interesting consideration. I try to hold to what I think is true: every person is doing as well as he or she can given their circumstances and their level of consciousness.
Jan 26, 2010
Happiness
"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be," Abraham Lincoln.
Modern teachers are saying the same thing. Research from Harvard and other places indicates that even if we don't feel happy, smiling can change our biochemistry and we can actually become happy. Watching a funny movie can produce the same result. Esther Hicks/Abraham tells us that perhaps our most important task is to stay happy. So, it's a matter of decision. And it is important.
A dear friend told me that all people have times when they have trouble being happy, even if they do not have the task of being caregiver for someone with dementia. Yes, I think emotions swing both ways for all of us, and perhaps there is a natural rhythm to that. But, I also believe that it is important for me to aim at being happy. It is good for myself and all others with whom I interact.
Modern teachers are saying the same thing. Research from Harvard and other places indicates that even if we don't feel happy, smiling can change our biochemistry and we can actually become happy. Watching a funny movie can produce the same result. Esther Hicks/Abraham tells us that perhaps our most important task is to stay happy. So, it's a matter of decision. And it is important.
A dear friend told me that all people have times when they have trouble being happy, even if they do not have the task of being caregiver for someone with dementia. Yes, I think emotions swing both ways for all of us, and perhaps there is a natural rhythm to that. But, I also believe that it is important for me to aim at being happy. It is good for myself and all others with whom I interact.
Jan 25, 2010
Prejudicee
"Man's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn," Robert Burns.
I am reading a great book, "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. It is set in the south in the U.S. in the 1960's and features the tension between the white people and the blacks who served them. Fascinating. It did not occur to me that the Afro-Americans were not usually allowed to use the same bathroom as the owners of the house; and though they raised the children, the children were also systematically prejudiced against seeing the servers as equal people. It does make Obama in the White House all the more significant. While most of us will, thankfully, probably never have to worry about being arrested or hanged for the color of our skin, our beliefs, our sexual orientation; still we all experience prejudice to some degree at points in our life.
I was once standing at a counter with my mother while she was waiting to be waited upon. When finally the clerk did turn our way, it was me he acknowledged, not my mother. It gave me an opportunity to raise his consciousness about older people and to turn his attention to her. It seems we have the same opportunity now for the persons with dementia. We can teach other people to treat those with dementia or any terminal illness with respect and kindness. We are all equally human.
I am reading a great book, "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. It is set in the south in the U.S. in the 1960's and features the tension between the white people and the blacks who served them. Fascinating. It did not occur to me that the Afro-Americans were not usually allowed to use the same bathroom as the owners of the house; and though they raised the children, the children were also systematically prejudiced against seeing the servers as equal people. It does make Obama in the White House all the more significant. While most of us will, thankfully, probably never have to worry about being arrested or hanged for the color of our skin, our beliefs, our sexual orientation; still we all experience prejudice to some degree at points in our life.
I was once standing at a counter with my mother while she was waiting to be waited upon. When finally the clerk did turn our way, it was me he acknowledged, not my mother. It gave me an opportunity to raise his consciousness about older people and to turn his attention to her. It seems we have the same opportunity now for the persons with dementia. We can teach other people to treat those with dementia or any terminal illness with respect and kindness. We are all equally human.
Jan 24, 2010
Chronological racism
Interesting article in AARP saying that "age is the last acceptable bias in this country", and that some are calling it chronological racism. That statement seems true. And an even more longlasting bias is for people who are both old and have the characteristics of dementia. Perhaps with all of the population age 50 and above now, especially in the U.S., some of those biases and misperceptions will change. We can each do our part. I freely acknowledge my age. I do so with pride after reading that it is a way to help correct the misconceptions about older women. We can do the same for dementia, helping people not to fear this condition, nor the people who have it.
Jan 23, 2010
Empathy
"You will know you are of value to anyone when you are able to think about the person and feel good at the same time," Esther Hicks/Abraham
Seems a good rule of thumb. Am I able to refrain from fear or judgement about someone? It is good practice. Good practice toward the person for whom we are providing care, and good practice toward others. Perhaps it really boils down to us having control only over ourselves and our attitude; and perhaps that is enough.
Seems a good rule of thumb. Am I able to refrain from fear or judgement about someone? It is good practice. Good practice toward the person for whom we are providing care, and good practice toward others. Perhaps it really boils down to us having control only over ourselves and our attitude; and perhaps that is enough.
Jan 22, 2010
Play date
Yesterday for our "play date" we went to a favorite bookstore, had lunch out and went to see the movie, Avatar. Interesting. I had wanted to see it because it is a cultural phenomenon, and Dwane was a good sport about it. We had some gift certificates we wanted to use at the bookstore, and it was fun to pick and choose. Today another winter storm, so groceries and a good book will be good to have.
Of the things which are hard for me as a caregiver, perhaps the most significant one is to witness Dwane's disappointments and hurts in relationships. When he shares how someone's actions disappoint or hurt him, it makes me wonder what are people thinking? He has a terminal illness. He is dying. Why can't everyone be kind and gracious to him?! Especially those one could most expect to be kind.
Of the things which are hard for me as a caregiver, perhaps the most significant one is to witness Dwane's disappointments and hurts in relationships. When he shares how someone's actions disappoint or hurt him, it makes me wonder what are people thinking? He has a terminal illness. He is dying. Why can't everyone be kind and gracious to him?! Especially those one could most expect to be kind.
Jan 21, 2010
Great news
I just discovered the best resource. Thanks to a dear friend and a conversation over breakfast. If you live in the U.S., the Department of Social Services: Adult Services division has many programs to help with disabilities and aging. (In some states this has a different name; i.e. Department of Family Services.) Some of the programs depend on limited income, and some do not. There are a variety of programs; one of which offers pay for respite for the caregiver.
I have been in a period of profound discouragement. It is good to know the options of support.
I have been in a period of profound discouragement. It is good to know the options of support.
Jan 20, 2010
Missing objects
A friend whose husband died of dementia spoke to me recently about the number of missing objects she has discovered since his death. She thought it might be helpful for others to be aware that it appears that things get thrown out or lost by someone who has dementia. Of course, we have had the lost items too. Coats, keys, checkbooks. But she was talking about things of value around the home: rare coins, pieces of flatware, jewelry. She said she wished she had been checking the garbage before it was taken away. It seems it might be helpful for those of us giving care to someone with dementia to take steps to protect items of value.
Jan 19, 2010
Meditation
"I consider anything that makes me feel grateful to be a meditation, so that includes gardening, yoga, and listening to uplifting music," Leta Miller.
What a lovely idea, and it takes the work out of it. Perhaps one does not have to sit for hours and try to control their mind. Perhaps there is an easy way, and Leta Miller describes it. Gratitude is such a good place to reside. Dr. Joan Borysenko suggests in her writings to find a different thing every night about which to be grateful. That is a good practice. Today I am grateful for all the healing agents in the world.
What a lovely idea, and it takes the work out of it. Perhaps one does not have to sit for hours and try to control their mind. Perhaps there is an easy way, and Leta Miller describes it. Gratitude is such a good place to reside. Dr. Joan Borysenko suggests in her writings to find a different thing every night about which to be grateful. That is a good practice. Today I am grateful for all the healing agents in the world.
Jan 18, 2010
Making a difference
"We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly." Dr. Martin Luther King
One does not have to look far to see the difference a single person with good intentions can make. Even current popular movies, Blind Side and Invictus, speak to the power of a single person in creating good in the world. Every caregiver has the ability to create good in his/her particular situation. What good are you creating in the world today? "Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly." I am so grateful for the examples of heroes and sheroes in our midst.
One does not have to look far to see the difference a single person with good intentions can make. Even current popular movies, Blind Side and Invictus, speak to the power of a single person in creating good in the world. Every caregiver has the ability to create good in his/her particular situation. What good are you creating in the world today? "Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly." I am so grateful for the examples of heroes and sheroes in our midst.
Jan 17, 2010
Life's lessons
A reader responded to my blog about skiing wondering what that had to do with living graciously with dementia, and my answer: maybe everything. We can take the learning from any experience in life and apply it to our larger life. Robert Fulghum demonstrates this in his charming book, "All I Really Needed to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten." I love analogies, and all of life can be an analogy for me in how I can better live my life in general. My analogy in the skiing blog: when I find myself in a difficult situation and do not know the answers for how to resolve the situation; seek answers from qualified and reliable sources. That applies as much to living with dementia as it does to a smaller situation.
Jan 16, 2010
Respite
I want to address the urgency of respite for the caregiver, since a person commented on how I could go skiing when he/she could not leave the person with dementia. It is my opinion that it is critical for the person giving care to have breaks, and of course, these must be done with the safety of the person with dementia in mind. I know Dwane is fine if I am fine, I need breaks to be fine, so I arrange to have breaks. There are respite services one can pay for, like Comfort Keepers. One of my favorite ways I provide myself respite is that I exchange life coaching for the person being here with Dwane. I give her life coaching; she gives me respite. There are many such exchanges one could do. In fact, they are probably only as limited as our imagination.
Readers: what ways have you found to have care for the person with dementia so that you can have a break. My intention with this blog is to have a forum of support and information. Please do not use this blog as a place to express anger or disapproval. We are all doing the best we can, and we can manage even better by sharing good ideas.
Readers: what ways have you found to have care for the person with dementia so that you can have a break. My intention with this blog is to have a forum of support and information. Please do not use this blog as a place to express anger or disapproval. We are all doing the best we can, and we can manage even better by sharing good ideas.
Jan 15, 2010
Play dates
It has occurred to me how much my putting my professional life aside to provide care for Dwane is like when I chose to be an at-home mother and care for my children. During those years I planned a "play date" one day a week when they were out of school. We live in a beautiful region which attracts thousands of visitors in the warm season, and the children and I would enjoy one of the aspects of the region we really enjoy and sample one new region or novelty to see if it would become one of our favorites or one that having seen once was enough. It occurred to me recently to implement the "play date" with Dwane. So every week we are going to enjoy an aspect of the area in which we live. Last week we drove to an area where many go in the summer. It was so much fun to be there when so few others were. We walked familiar trails and enjoyed the exquisite scenery. We drove through a scenic area in which there are bison, Custer State Park, and we were literally weaving in and out amongst them on the highway. I remembered having read that these bison are one of only two groups in the U.S. which contain the original bison genetics; all other herds of bison have their genetics mixed with cattle. Majestic animals! We walked among the giant granite spires this area is so famous for, The Needles, and I enjoyed the healing experience it is for me to be in nature. I also enjoyed the presence of these great rocks, which my sister and I frolicked upon as children; part of the group of "friends" with whom I played. We stopped and ate at fun places we found open. I think it was a very good day for us both and a good tradition to start.
Jan 14, 2010
Skiing
What beautiful weather we are having, fabulous snow, and great skiing. I went yesterday and was to connect with friends, but we missed each other. So, I enjoyed my own good company and practiced some techniques that my ski-instructor daughter taught me. My skiing is getting better. For some reason this season I was trying to do the well-learned technique of the 1970's, the stem christi. Well, that does not work with modern skies, and my quads were screaming because of the amount of wrong effort I was putting in to making turns. The technique my daughter pointed out to me: think of the skies as a unit, put weight on downhill ski, and then let uphill ski turn like "putting butter on toast". Fabulous!
A lesson to be applied to life. I want to listen to and trust my body. When something is going amiss, I want to seek good, reliable information to resolve the issue. If I am putting in too much effort, I'm probably not relaxing and having fun and using the right techniques. Great metaphor.
A lesson to be applied to life. I want to listen to and trust my body. When something is going amiss, I want to seek good, reliable information to resolve the issue. If I am putting in too much effort, I'm probably not relaxing and having fun and using the right techniques. Great metaphor.
Jan 13, 2010
Courtesy
"Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy," Ralph Waldo Emerson. I love poetry and the thoughts and wording of Emerson. His words above condense an appropriate approach to life. I find when I remember and adopt this attitude, life contains many blessings. Author Leta Miller says that she has four steps she uses to incorporate courtesy: smile, look people in the eye, learn and use people's names, and express appreciation. I, too, have done this for a long time, and it is amazing the difference it makes not only with how one is treated but also the difference in other people's countenance. Even if it were not good for other people, it is good for a person to practice courtesy. Treating oneself and others respectfully supports one's body, mind, and I think, soul. So, have a very, very good day, Friend.
Jan 12, 2010
Being right
My daughter asked me this morning if I thought it was ever justified to be right; I believe she meant this in the context of someone proving someone else wrong. Her comment gives me insight into some current discouragement. I have had two recent conversations with people who have a very high need to be right. I notice in retrospect that style of approach can hook me into feeling misunderstood and trying to have them see my perspective. And no wonder, as my family of origin put a high value on being right. I can thank Dave Ellis who wrote, Falling Awake, for my new position with this. He has the statement: "Make the other person right." It is amazing how much more intimate, loving, comfortable and truly stimulating my conversations are when I refuse to be seduced into making myself right and/or someone else wrong. That is why I strive for conversations with like-minded people who also are wanting the best for themselves and others. I do not want to waste my time justifying how or why I am doing something. I don't want to waste my time judging or being judged. How very freeing and good to remember. I thank my daughter for the comment which I can apply so appropriately again to my life. All is well. There is no reason to judge myself or anyone else.
Jan 11, 2010
Peace
"Breath is the lifeforece itself. Control of breath is the cornerstone for health," Dr. Joan Borysenko. Dr. Borysenko goes on to say how we can use the control of our breath to enter into deeply relaxed states, citing meditation. It seems whatever takes one to a deeply relaxed state (without use of drugs or alcohol) is beneficial. Meditation, being immersed in a creative process, deep and intimate connection with another human or animal or nature, prayer, reading of good material. All are good ways to leave the anxieties of the world and return to a state of peace and relaxed body and mind. It is so beneficial for one's health and overall well being. It is critical for me in living with someone with dementia. I especially need this practice when Dwane is not doing as well, such as now. An area of difficulty for me, because of my natural characteristic of handling things directly, is to try to handle something directly with Dwane. His immediate reaction is always to become very defensive. Something as simple as saying to him that I wish we could do something to make his hearing aids stop whistling, will bring out a defensive tirade from him. So, to keep peace, it seems I have to deal with things from an indirect manner, which is not my natural tendency. I miss having a true partner in addressing problems big and small.
Jan 10, 2010
Taking things personnaly
"Nothing can touch us unless we let it touch us. Refuse to have the feelings hurt. Refuse to receive anyone's condemnation," Ernest Holmes. This has been a journey for me, and I had another growth opportunity when I met recently with friends, one of whom takes on the task of judging amd commenting how other's have chosen to lead their lives. The teaching in Alanon and other places is wonderful: look for the truth in any criticism, and let the rest go. There usually is a learning for me, and for the most part, the criticism has nothing to do with me, but is a projection of the other person's own material. It is one reason I strive not to judge, and also to disallow anyone's judging of me.
On the dementia front. Continued deterioration. Lots of complaints of not feeling well. Mostly stomach related now, which has been an issue for him as long as I can remember. Perhaps it is time for another doctor visit.
On the dementia front. Continued deterioration. Lots of complaints of not feeling well. Mostly stomach related now, which has been an issue for him as long as I can remember. Perhaps it is time for another doctor visit.
Jan 9, 2010
Shame
I have always thought of shame in negative connotations, and have supported the notion of others that shame is the basis for many addictions. I am reading an interesting novel recommended by a friend, "An Instance of the Fingerpost", and a quote of one of the characters in the book caught my eye, "Shame, I do believe, is the most powerful emotion known to man; most discoveries and journeys of importance have been accomplished because of the ignominy that would be the result if the attempt was abandoned." While I am not sure I agree completely with the idea of shame being the motivating aspect of ambition and progress, I do think it is helpful to look at both the positive and negative aspects of a characteristic like shame. Rather than trying to get rid of shame, perhaps a more helpful approach is to see how it has added value to one's life. Worth pondering perhaps.
Jan 8, 2010
Self care
An interesting take on the necessity of self care: "As all is Mind, and as we attract to us what we first become, until we learn to love, we are not sending out love vibrations , and not until we send out those vibrations can we receive love in return," Science of Mind, p 298. While not everyone may be comfortable with the idea of "vibrations and/or attracting", that does not preclude the truth of what appears to be a fact; that we cannot emanate what we have not become.
The author, Leta Miller, takes this idea toward loving oneself enough to indulge oneself with self care. She advocates good nutrition, exercise, time alone, fun. Perhaps more interesting are what she cites as ways we deny ourselves self care: illness, bad temper, too many commitments, inability to complete tasks, depression, accidents, among others. It is a good list to be mindful of. While it is, in my opinion, always a good idea to have healthy self regard, it is imperative for me while I am providing care for someone with a terminal illness.
So how am I doing in self care? Pretty good. I have eliminated most commitments by putting my professional life on the shelf. I have a wonderful circle of supportive friends who love me. I plan fun: I am going to brunch with two friends tomorrow and skiing with my daughter on Sunday. I exercise daily by having a goal of walking 10,000 steps (about 5 miles) and doing some strength building at least three times a week (yesterday I shoveled snow for 1 hour). I provide service by gifting my life coaching/spiritual direction services; and I accept the coaching and spiritual direction from someone I greatly admire. I am generous with donations to situations/persons. I talk regularly with dear, dear friends, a way in which I purposely surround myself with people who are capable of being loving, positive and supportive. It is a high priority for me to stay in good connection with my children and their families, and I follow that up with the action of "showing up". I am very mindful of nutrition and prepare tasty and nutritious meals. I spend time every day in spiritual reading and reflection. Yes, I am doing pretty well right now.
The author, Leta Miller, takes this idea toward loving oneself enough to indulge oneself with self care. She advocates good nutrition, exercise, time alone, fun. Perhaps more interesting are what she cites as ways we deny ourselves self care: illness, bad temper, too many commitments, inability to complete tasks, depression, accidents, among others. It is a good list to be mindful of. While it is, in my opinion, always a good idea to have healthy self regard, it is imperative for me while I am providing care for someone with a terminal illness.
So how am I doing in self care? Pretty good. I have eliminated most commitments by putting my professional life on the shelf. I have a wonderful circle of supportive friends who love me. I plan fun: I am going to brunch with two friends tomorrow and skiing with my daughter on Sunday. I exercise daily by having a goal of walking 10,000 steps (about 5 miles) and doing some strength building at least three times a week (yesterday I shoveled snow for 1 hour). I provide service by gifting my life coaching/spiritual direction services; and I accept the coaching and spiritual direction from someone I greatly admire. I am generous with donations to situations/persons. I talk regularly with dear, dear friends, a way in which I purposely surround myself with people who are capable of being loving, positive and supportive. It is a high priority for me to stay in good connection with my children and their families, and I follow that up with the action of "showing up". I am very mindful of nutrition and prepare tasty and nutritious meals. I spend time every day in spiritual reading and reflection. Yes, I am doing pretty well right now.
Jan 7, 2010
Optimism
"For as he thinketh in his heart so is he" Proverbs 23.7.
A dear friend asked me yesterday if I am always as optimistic as I write in my blog entries, and my answer to her was "yes". Of course, some disappointing and/or upsetting things do occur, as in anyone's life, but my practice is to dwell on, to focus on what is going right in my life, rather than what is going wrong. I seem to have the unusual attribute (some might call it annoying) of dealing very directly with things. I face into what life has presented, consider all my options with what is presented, choose a path of action and move on. Specifically, with this diagnosis of Dementia with Lewy Bodies: I "knew" something was very, very wrong before we got the diagnosis. In fact, it was my advocacy to seek medical attention that resulted in the diagnosis. Once we had the diagnosis, from what is arguably the best source in the world - Mayo Clinic, then I read all I could about this diagnosis so that we could deal with it the best possible way. It seemed best to me to combine methods, gather one's arsenal so to speak, so we also implemented the recommendations of a nontraditional healer (the holy tea) and the hypnotist. Dwane is doing far better than he was one year ago or even last summer, so I believe we are doing something right. Life, it is my experience, does not always hand us what we expect; and sometimes what is handed to us is in a very unattractive package. It is my belief that the experience is meant, nevertheless, to be a gift. I look for the gift and the learning in any situation. I have always found them.
I am so grateful for the wonderful adventure of my life.
A dear friend asked me yesterday if I am always as optimistic as I write in my blog entries, and my answer to her was "yes". Of course, some disappointing and/or upsetting things do occur, as in anyone's life, but my practice is to dwell on, to focus on what is going right in my life, rather than what is going wrong. I seem to have the unusual attribute (some might call it annoying) of dealing very directly with things. I face into what life has presented, consider all my options with what is presented, choose a path of action and move on. Specifically, with this diagnosis of Dementia with Lewy Bodies: I "knew" something was very, very wrong before we got the diagnosis. In fact, it was my advocacy to seek medical attention that resulted in the diagnosis. Once we had the diagnosis, from what is arguably the best source in the world - Mayo Clinic, then I read all I could about this diagnosis so that we could deal with it the best possible way. It seemed best to me to combine methods, gather one's arsenal so to speak, so we also implemented the recommendations of a nontraditional healer (the holy tea) and the hypnotist. Dwane is doing far better than he was one year ago or even last summer, so I believe we are doing something right. Life, it is my experience, does not always hand us what we expect; and sometimes what is handed to us is in a very unattractive package. It is my belief that the experience is meant, nevertheless, to be a gift. I look for the gift and the learning in any situation. I have always found them.
I am so grateful for the wonderful adventure of my life.
Jan 6, 2010
Brain research
Researchers Andrew Newberg, M.C. and Mark Robert Walman have written of their findings that optimism positively affects the brain, while pessimism does not. Their research implies that how one sees God, whether as benevolent or a punisher, affects the brain. Their research demonstrates what many these days are saying that one's thoughts affect the brain, and if they are negative thoughts, the brain is damaged. While positive thoughts heal the brain. That is one reason I stress with Dwane to see the positive side of things; there always is always a positive side to a situation -- I think it is critical for his brain to be more optimistic. I aim for optimism, and I am rewarded with the benefits it begets me. Newberg and Waldman give us eight practices to transform our brains, in ascending order:
8. Smile
7. Stay intellectually active
6. Consciously relax
5. Yawn - helps with relaxation and heightens cognitive awareness
4. Meditate (how many streams of thought recommend this?!)
3. Do aerobic exercise (U.S. Dept of Health recommends 30 minutes every day for adults)
2. Exercise your language skills (how I love to do this!)
1. Faith - which can be religious or simply faith in a positive future. "Highly optimistic people have greater activation of the same part of their anterior cingulate (brain area) that is stimulated by meditation."
The authors suggest that developing optimism can turn people from antagonistic and angry to calmer and kinder. A wonderful result from good practices.
8. Smile
7. Stay intellectually active
6. Consciously relax
5. Yawn - helps with relaxation and heightens cognitive awareness
4. Meditate (how many streams of thought recommend this?!)
3. Do aerobic exercise (U.S. Dept of Health recommends 30 minutes every day for adults)
2. Exercise your language skills (how I love to do this!)
1. Faith - which can be religious or simply faith in a positive future. "Highly optimistic people have greater activation of the same part of their anterior cingulate (brain area) that is stimulated by meditation."
The authors suggest that developing optimism can turn people from antagonistic and angry to calmer and kinder. A wonderful result from good practices.
Jan 5, 2010
Cancer
In the book, "Refuge" the author states eloquently how the word, cancer, kills the person first. "It begins slowly and is largely hidden." This is true of dementia too. While cancer seems to multiply by dividing its cells, dementia's destruction is less understood, as least by me, but it too begins slowly and is largely hidden. It too is a death indictment; more so than cancer. When I think I do not fully understand the impact of the disease of dementia on the brain, all I have to do is re-read the column of Dr. Paul Donohue to see that medical experts do not seem to understand the process either. Of Dementia with Lewy Bodies he says, "Lewy bodies are peculiar material within brain cells, which somehow bollix up brain function." While I also do not understand the destructive process, I do see the resulting damage and changes.
Both mother and daughter in the book, "Refuge", find solace in solitude, as do I. A quote in the book by Eudora Welty when asked what causes she would support, "Peace, education, conservation and quiet." It seems she has covered most of them. That is another reason this house is so good for us. We have the proximity and easy travel into the largest area town, while also enjoying tremendous serenity.
Both mother and daughter in the book, "Refuge", find solace in solitude, as do I. A quote in the book by Eudora Welty when asked what causes she would support, "Peace, education, conservation and quiet." It seems she has covered most of them. That is another reason this house is so good for us. We have the proximity and easy travel into the largest area town, while also enjoying tremendous serenity.
Jan 4, 2010
Dying
From time to time in my life I have considered dying. I know I consciously considered it during the breach delivery of my first child. I am reading a book lent by a friend, "Refuge" by Terry Tempest Williams. It is a blend of her work as a naturalist and bird watcher, with her accompaniment of her mother in her dying of cancer. She includes the famous quote by the power-of-positive-thinking author, Norman Cousins, "Death is not the enemy; living in constant fear of it is." Seems true. But wouldn't it be nice if the death process was not such a messy one, or perhaps I need to change my perception of the process? Food for thought. I know Dwane worries about losing dignity, which I think is describing concerns about the same process. How can a terminal illness be lovely? hmmmm
Jan 3, 2010
Fog
Today the dawn was clear, but soon fog began to ascend, climbing toward us. We must be experiencing another inversion. Yesterday when I went skiing up in the high country, it was clear, beautful and considerably warmer than down here. It was lovely to see the fog ascend over the valley coming up to this house, our winter home. Whoever designed this development did it wisely. One really cannot see any of the other houses; therefore, there is no need for window coverings. The fog leaves in its wake beautiful hoar frost on the trees and shrubs. Now fog is surrounding the house; it is lovely to see the actual movement of the water vapors in the air. Perhaps a life metaphor.
At the beginning of a new decade I find myself thinking of what to let go of from the past, and what to focus on for the present and future. I do not want my past to be as the fog, creeping over and obscuring the present. I want to choose freely; considering this a new day with new possibilities. A reading this morning (author Father Romanus Cessario, O.P.) said that spiritual giants of the past accepted the classical notion of the friend as the other half of one's soul. Thinking along those lines, what gifts do I want to bestow upon and receive from the friend who is the other half of my soul? One gift I intend is to not worry about the future. "T'aint worthwhile to wear a day all out before it comes," Sarah Orne Jewett. And wasn't it Mark Twain who said that most of the things he spent the most time worrying about never happened?
I had trouble sleeping last night, thinking (worrying) about things needing done. I intend to not waste time in that way in the future. Even with Dwane's dementia -- one day at a time. In the present moment, all is well.
At the beginning of a new decade I find myself thinking of what to let go of from the past, and what to focus on for the present and future. I do not want my past to be as the fog, creeping over and obscuring the present. I want to choose freely; considering this a new day with new possibilities. A reading this morning (author Father Romanus Cessario, O.P.) said that spiritual giants of the past accepted the classical notion of the friend as the other half of one's soul. Thinking along those lines, what gifts do I want to bestow upon and receive from the friend who is the other half of my soul? One gift I intend is to not worry about the future. "T'aint worthwhile to wear a day all out before it comes," Sarah Orne Jewett. And wasn't it Mark Twain who said that most of the things he spent the most time worrying about never happened?
I had trouble sleeping last night, thinking (worrying) about things needing done. I intend to not waste time in that way in the future. Even with Dwane's dementia -- one day at a time. In the present moment, all is well.
Jan 2, 2010
Dawn
There is the most beautiful sunrise this morning. How I love a view to the east. And, yesterday, the trees were coated in the most exquisite hoar frost. It helped me realize one of the main things I love about this house, besides the spaciousness, is the expansive windows. They allow the outdoors to be part of the indoors. Lovely. And something I want always to be part of a house.
Thoughts
"We should carefully consider whether we are willing to experience the results of our thoughts," The Science of Mind page 195.
I love this idea and intend to practice it more fully. Emerson said that if we seek to harm another, we but find that we are beating our own bleeding breast. That, of course, exemplifies the actual harm our negative thoughts do to us. There is a flip side to this practice, and that is the blessings we receive when we practice thoughts of love, joy and peace. The results of our thoughts impact us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Someone rebuffed me recently and another person suggested that I rebuff in return, but my practice is to choose my own behavior instead of having it be a reaction to someone else's behavior.
The issue of assisted living continues to be on peoples' minds, and I was reminded this morning of something a dear friend said to me. "Dwane is already in assisted living; it is just that you are doing the assisting." That is very true, and it is important for me to recognize it.
I love this idea and intend to practice it more fully. Emerson said that if we seek to harm another, we but find that we are beating our own bleeding breast. That, of course, exemplifies the actual harm our negative thoughts do to us. There is a flip side to this practice, and that is the blessings we receive when we practice thoughts of love, joy and peace. The results of our thoughts impact us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Someone rebuffed me recently and another person suggested that I rebuff in return, but my practice is to choose my own behavior instead of having it be a reaction to someone else's behavior.
The issue of assisted living continues to be on peoples' minds, and I was reminded this morning of something a dear friend said to me. "Dwane is already in assisted living; it is just that you are doing the assisting." That is very true, and it is important for me to recognize it.
Jan 1, 2010
Fun
It is so important for the human spirit to have fun. Fun can rejuvenate, restore, uplift. Research indicates that fun and laughter actually can change our bodies at a cellular level. Last night Dwane and I celebrated the end of the decade of 2009 by going to the symphony. The brain and memory class we took last fall emphasized how much music can help the brain. The instructor felt music was able to "line up" the neurons in the brain. Dwane did seem to enjoy the symphony and does seem to be functioning well this morning.
A reading of this morning by author Leta Miller says, "Our physical bodies, like the universe in all of its Wonder, are always changing." That is a helpful analogy. Perhaps it can be helpful to see that the changes in the human body are a natural process, perhaps dementia just "hurries things along", perhaps it can be seen as less odious. I will try.
May 2010 bless us all with peace and well being.
A reading of this morning by author Leta Miller says, "Our physical bodies, like the universe in all of its Wonder, are always changing." That is a helpful analogy. Perhaps it can be helpful to see that the changes in the human body are a natural process, perhaps dementia just "hurries things along", perhaps it can be seen as less odious. I will try.
May 2010 bless us all with peace and well being.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)