"Self love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self neglecting." William Shakespeare, Henry V
Healthy self love is vital. It may be especially vital to those of us in caregiver roles. It is too easy to be gobbled up by the all-encompassing tasks and responsibilities required of us as caregivers. Accepting help from others is one way to demonstrate self love. So, for those people who would like to be of help to us, here are some suggestions:
1. Come and visit as this sometimes brings out the best in the care receiver, but call first to make sure it is a good time. The schedule of any caregiver is so tightly packed that you can create another burden if you come when it is unhandy for him/her.
2. Ask what would be helpful for you to do. We do need help. It is a godsend that our son-in-law asked if we had a project and was willing to repair our greenhouse. You may see things that you think need to be done, but ask the caregiver what he/she would like. There may be reasons they don't want that task done.
3. Offer to take the care receiver, but do not be hurt if he/she won't go. Remember that anxiety is one of the most common characteristics of dementia, and the caregiver, among all the other tasks, serves as a "safe harbor" for the care receiver. The person with dementia may be too anxious to go with you.
4. Invite us to events and parties, but be prepared that because of a behavioral meltdown or scheduling problem, we may need to cancel at the last minute.
5. Offer to bring in meals, help with yardwork, give respite to the caregiver, take the care receiver to one of many appointments.
6. And, thank you for caring.
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