The Winter Season

"Where there is a will, there is a wall.  But, where there is a willingness, there is a way."
Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith

Sometimes I see caregivers using their will with the care receivers.  This will always end badly.  When my loved one is upset, I speak calmly, reassuringly, address his fears.  He responds and what is needed (getting him to the bathroom, etc.) goes more smoothly.  We cannot force another human to do something.  Whether it is an enchanting child learning to test her independence, or someone who is in the grips of dementia, force brings rebellion.  It may, in some circumstances, work in a small situation; but never in the long run.  People need the freedom to believe they are making their own choice.  Providing the structure within the setting gives the person freedom while also ensuring what needs to be done gets done.  Recently when a staff member was transferring my loved one to the wheelchair, he became frantic and worried about lumps on the seat of his chair.  When I said we we would take care of the lumps on his chair, he became calm. (There were no lumps in his air-cushioned chair -- he just needed reassurance it was being taken care of.)  How can you smooth the way for your loved one?