I was talking over the weekend with a friend who has a relative with dementia. We were discussing how to help the person with dementia be at his/her best for a family occasion. What I use with Dwane is something I used with my children when they were young. I tell him what to expect from the event, and what I expect from him. For instance, when we fly to Italy to see his daughter, one of my fears is losing him in the airports. So, I will talk to him ahead of time and we will agree on a plan for how to handle when he goes to the bathroom. My thinking is I will just wait outside the men's toilet. And, when I need to go, I will sit him in a nearby chair to wait for me. I also want to just relax and have fun while we are gone, so I am going to have a plan with him about alarm clocks and getting up. (He sometimes gets up about 3:00 a.m. to shave and get ready, especially when he is anxious and things are not familiar.) We won't need to get up early except on the days we fly, so we will have a "rule" of no alarm clocks except on those days. The days we fly will be problematic, as he will probably be getting up off and on all night; but perhaps not if we talk about it and have a plan.
The point is: a person with dementia is very much like a child (except one dares not treat them as such!) in that they seem to behave better and have less anxiety if they know what to expect of an occasion and what is expected of them.
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