"By taking decisive actions that address your situation, rather than detaching and wishing problems away, you can gain a sense of personal control." Mayo Clinic Health Letter
Since I told you about my ultimatum with Dwane about appropriate care while I was gone and the 2 choices I gave him, I want to share the results. When I asked him on the day I wanted his decision by, he responded, "have someone come here to stay." Whew!!! My strategy worked. I got what I wanted without a lot of fight and drama from him; by giving him a choice among two options that would give him the safety I wanted for him. This is a strategy often used with children: giving them two choices, such as, 'do you want to brush your teeth before or after you put on your pajamas?' Giving people choices - while controlling the choices within what is desired, often takes the "fight" out of the situation. The person does not feel ordered to do something and is likely to feel more part of the decision. This may not work for all people with dementia, but it worked very well for me. I got something very important to me: to go visit my grandson with no worries about Dwane's safety; and he got to choose the manner in which that safety was arranged. I realize that I did what in substance abuse is called an intervention. That is when you tell someone how their behavior is affecting you, what you want from them, and an ultimatum if they do not agree. I would reserve this technique for the very, very most important things --- and traveling to see my grandson while knowing Dwane was safe - is that important to me.
Wonderful! I'm glad it worked out for you.
ReplyDeleteI too try to limit Hubby's choices for anything by giving him 2 options. Although we haven't done anything on this scale, I like that Hubby can still feel like he has some control over his life when he feels like so much is already taken away.
Have a great time with your visit and rest well knowing Dwane is in capable hands.