"A community will only have a problem with the drug they tolerate." Edward Moses.
This was said over and over in the recent science-based brain training I attended, and I think it is true. If a community tolerates drunkeness; drunkeness will occur. If a community tolerates underage drinking; underage drinking will occur. So, too, in some respects will ill behavior of the care receiver happen to the extent we tolerate it. Of course, there are exceptions. Violence and belligerence seem to be an innate part of dementia; but, I am convinced that some behavior is controllable -- at least in Lewy Bodies Dementia. Take complaining, for which I have a very low tolerance. I finally drew a firm line today with Dwane. If he complains (which he does about any and asunder little things), then we will change this caregiving arrangement (our original agreement was based upon his cooperation and good attitude). There has been a dramatic change in his attitude. So, it reinforces my belief, some of the intolerable behaviors can be controlled. What behavior of your care receiver do you think is avoidable? I suggest that we do not tolerate violence (which includes belligerence, complaining, yelling) of any kind.
I agree that we cannot tolerate violence, but I don't include complaining or even yelling as violence. We can't expect "good behavior" from our spouses with LBD. In my full faculties if I were in the situation they find themselves in, I wouldn't/couldn't be cooperative and have a good attitude all of the time. With LBD, our spouses increasingly lose their cognitive abilities and are not able to censor their behavior with such compromised executive functioning. I think that we can work to minimize the occurrence of negative behavior and to redirect it when it occurs, but I can't hold my husband accountable for things that I don't think he can control. There are so many fluctuations and such variation in what is remembered from one day to the next, any changes may well be short-lived.
ReplyDeleteViolent behavior that threatens anyone's safety is another matter.
I haven't commented before, but I have been reading your blog for about a month (have it sent to my email), and I find it a very helpful way to start the day because you are so positive.
Thanks for giving us something to think about every day.
Ro