Letting Go

"I can see now that the real challenge of surrender, for all of us, is not just letting go --- but letting go of something we yearn for." Mark Nepo

In Mark Nepo's book Awakening he tells of an ancient Chinese story of catching monkeys by hollowing out coconut shells and putting rice in.  The monkeys were able to put their hands in the holes in the shells, but could not get them out if they had fisted around a bunch of rice.  Nepo likens this story to our own need to let go of things which entrap us in life.  I think this is true in the process of caregiving for a spouse; I think I am called to let go of any expectation that I have a partnership, i.e. marriage.  This probably seems very obvious to readers, but it is actually an elusive one.  In order to release ourselves from our own entrapments, I think we must let go of what we yearn for.  And, perhaps that yearning is to look good to others, to fulfill some inner need by our caretaking, to salvage some aspect of our relationship with the care receiver, to avoid change.  Whatever is keeping us trapped (and I am not necessarily talking about physical entrapment), we need to realease in order to regain our own freedom.  In Mark Nepo's case, he says that what he needed to let go of was wanting his mother's approval.  What is it that you need to let go of to be free?